All in Due Time
by LAPoch
Summary: Things with Sara and Grissom seem to take more time than with most couples. Yet another 'how they got together story' from Grissom's POV; eventually becomes a how they got back together story. Complete summary at the start of chapter one.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. I only borrow them, to try to tell the story behind the story. All for fun, not for profit. **

_**Summary:**_ I suppose you are not a bona fide fan fiction GSR writer until you write that 'how they got together story.' Trouble is, it's been done so well, so often, it's hard to come up with a new angle without stepping into the AU route. So here goes my try. This story starts in season 9, the episode, Leave Out All the Rest. Grissom seeks help from Lady Heather after he receives Sara's video message. The story then sets off on a Grissom-centric recounting of the relationship. It alternates between dialogue between Grissom and Heather and flashbacks, but all from his point of view. It touches on some early season moments, but really gets down to business in season five. Ultimately, Grissom learns some things about himself and Sara in the process that may save the relationship.

**Chapter One: The Video Message **

Gil Grissom was frozen as he watched the video flicker off his computer. The man was unaccustomed to feeling emotional, but he now found himself consumed and paralyzed by a frightening power.

Oh, sure, since Sara left, he noticed a little more empathy for victims creeping up to the surface. And, certainly, after Warrick's death, the empathy was palpable. Hell, he was even feeling empathy for suspects, pitiful souls caught by impulses that would ultimately destroy them just as they had destroyed lives around them.

The phone rang, the lab; he couldn't face another case right now. He started the video again. He hoped upon hope that the message had changed in that time.

Now, his cell started chirping. He focused on Sara's face on the computer. _She says she's _happy_, has she moved on?_

Next the beeper, and the home phone again. For the first time in a very long time, Gil Grissom put his personal life in front of the job. True, it was a baby step, but an important one. He remained focused on Sara and her message.

He restarted the video message for the eleventh time; trying to decipher another meaning, a cryptic call to meet her on the Sea Sheppard, a tiny hint that she really wasn't _that_ happy, any glimmer of hope.

Not seeing what he so desperately sought, he answered the lab and headed out in a downpour to examine another ruined life. Thoughts swirled through his head, and his only hope was that this case would somehow ground him.

He arrived at the scene, and had to push himself to get out of the car and face it. If that wasn't hard enough, Catherine reminded him of the unprecedented manner in which he dodged the calls. His world was crashing down around him, and he was staring down at a disfigured, tortured corpse.

He finally settled into working the case. The procedure and routine ultimately had a calming effect, but, the case wasn't straightforward. In fact, it was downright baffling. It was made that much more difficult by the distraction which was sabotaging everything since Warrick died. Sara's video message was replaying in his mind when he was supposed to be examining the body at the morgue. He pinched his nose and shut his eyes to try to expel the vision.

"Another headache?" Nick asked out of concern.

"No," came the reply, with a concerted effort to refocus on the task at hand.

They congregated in the layout room with Doc Robbins going over the findings. The S&M theory was emerging, but with huge inconsistencies.

Grissom walked away. The answer wasn't in the layout room, period. A subconscious urge to seek expert opinion was the excuse, but truth be told, Grissom was driving around for hours trying to get the nerve to go to Heather Kessler's house for solace from his pain.

It was late; he rang the doorbell half expecting it to go unanswered. He flinched when the door flew open. Grissom went straight into lab geek mode and started in on the details of the case.

Lady Heather's response, "You've changed."

_Damn, she sees that already, I'm toast._

Ignoring the comment, they continued to both catch up and trade thoughts about the case. Despite his attempts to keep his personal life at bay, Heather kept hitting the bull's eye, and ultimately unpleasant truths were discussed.

_Sara tried to tell me it was over and now Heather is confirming it. _

"You're here because this is the only place in Vegas that doesn't remind you of Sara, you can stay in my guest room as long as you like."

She led him to the well appointed room and watched him lay down fully clothed. As she started to exit, "Heather, will you stay?"

She knew the lost state he was in, and cautiously closed the door. Taking a seat in an occasional chair near the bed, "You need sleep more than anything else, what in the world did you have in mind?"

He shrugged weakly, "Sara's trying to tell me it is over, and now you are, I guess I'm trying to move on."

Heather laughed softly, "Your heart's clearly not ready for that tack."

"Then help me, Heather." His face bore the intense sadness he was feeling, "I've never felt this before; I just don't think I know how to handle it."

"First of all, stop acting like you are the only one in the world who has suffered a broken heart. In fact, consider yourself lucky that you made it this far without ever having felt that pain."

"If you are trying to console me, those words are not having the desired effect," he fired back, more in line with his usual character.

"Sorry, I thought a little tough love might bring you back a bit."

He rolled his eyes and folded his arms.

"I would really like you to tell me how it is you and Sara finally got together after so long. I think that might help me understand your relationship, but more importantly, it will be helpful for you to open up about that."

"Helpful how?" he sounded skeptical.

"Talking things out can unburden a person. I'll bet you've never had to do that in your life, but it works. It is how therapists make a living, for the most part. You will surely learn a thing or two about how you arrived where you are. It can be a very revealing process."

Grissom thought on the remarks of the therapist the department brought in after Warrick's death. When he inquired about his uncharacteristic distraction, she informed him that the only way to have it go away was to talk about it. Well, that sounded like a load of hooey at the time, but the same strategy was being raised again to help him deal with Sara.

Talking about his personal life was not something that Gil Grissom found helpful. Quite the opposite, it made him down right uncomfortable, even for a long time afterward. Being told that he needed to do it to make himself fell better only made him feel like a kid made to drink some awful tasting medicine to get well.

"Awright," he sat up, "but, I'm not at all convinced about this psycho babble stuff."

"Ok, well, glad you cleared that up," Heather couldn't hide her amusement.

"Where do I start?"

"How about you begin," she paused for emphasis, "…at the beginning."

tbc...

a/n: Just setting up the story with chapter one, please check back in for more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: A Date, or Not a Date, that is the question…**

"It was summer of 1999, and I was lecturing at a forensic academy seminar in San Francisco. Sara happened to be in the audience, and as is typical following a lecture, students wandered up to me with questions. I noticed her in the back of the pack. She caught my eye right away. How is that? I mean is there really love at first sight?"

"There is clearly something to it."

The scientist momentarily took over, "Well, it makes sense that physical attraction is sure to be a strong component of love, but, whatever. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, after I noticed her, I really couldn't take my eyes off of her. When the others saw where my attention was held, their questions stopped. Sara took that as a cue to ask her question. Actually, it was question_s_; she had a boatload of questions. Eventually, the other students got tired of waiting and left, that's when I asked her to have a cup of coffee with me. I mean, it didn't look like the questions would ever stop, so I had to do something," he smirked.

Heather was mesmerized by how freely the story was flowing. She had never seen Grissom so open about his past, but took it as a sign that this was a conversation that deep down, he really needed to have.

"She led me to a quaint little coffee place, and we stayed for hours and talked. I really couldn't get enough of her, but I was afraid to ask her out, she was so young, and beautiful. I guess, some men are intimidated by beauty. And, I wasn't too comfortable that she was one of my students."

Inhaling sharply at the memory, "Finally, _she_ braved an invitation for dinner, and I accepted in a heart beat."

Grissom went on to describe the evening in great detail, where they went, what they ate, what she was dressed in, and even how she wore her hair, a pony tail. Only a CSI trained with such attention to detail could provide such a recollection. "I was so attracted to her, but I was worried that it would be a mistake to get involved. I remember debating with myself whether we were on a date or just two colleagues out for dinner."

"Which side won the debate?"

"Ah, well, when I brought her back to her apartment it was time to fish or cut bait. I couldn't help myself, my brain was screaming 'no' but my heart pulled her into lingering, heart stopping, kiss. I was so strongly affected, I knew I needed to leave; I would have no control over myself. I needed to decide if this was a relationship I could even handle."

"My goodness, so pragmatic, even on a date."

Grissom frowned at Heather's observation, but continued. "I saw her once more before I left for Vegas. It was for lunch, and it didn't have the romantic overtones of our date. It was safe. We exchanged contact information, and I left."

Gil observed Heather's expression, "I know, the encounter seems hardly earth shattering on the surface, but deep down, I was profoundly affected by her. I thought of her constantly, and I really couldn't decide what to do. Of course I wanted to be with her, but it scared me so."

"What were you so scared of?"

"At first it was my own feelings that scared me. No one had ever affected me quite like that. And, it scared me that she was so young, it felt like I was out of my league to think she would ever see me as more than a fling." He let out a humorless laugh, "I guess, deep down, I knew this hurt I'm feeling now is where it would ultimately lead."

"You can't live your life denying yourself pleasure out of fear of ultimately losing it."

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time," came the sarcastic retort.

"So, how did Sara come to live here?"

"After the seminar, we had some contact via e-mail and phone, some professional, some personal, but none romantic. It had the feeling of a professional friendship, and I was quite comfortable with that."

Heather gently shook her head at her friend's passivity in the face of a potential once in a lifetime love.

"When we had an incident in the lab, it was too controversial to be handled within the department, but I didn't want IA poking around, so I decided a CSI from outside our department would be the perfect answer, and naturally Sara was my first choice. She came to Vegas, handled the investigation for me in an impressive fashion. It was wonderful to work with her, and we had an opening, so I offered her a permanent job, and she took it."

"So did you offer her the job so that you could now date?"

"God, no! In fact, now I have another reason not to see her, she's off limits; it would be career suicide to date her as her supervisor."

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"What?" Grissom was genuinely confused, "My job was the most important thing in my life, at the time, and it took priority."

"How did you feel about Sara, _at the time,"_ with strong emphasis on the last phrase.

"She took my breath away, and that still scared the hell out of me, so I avoided her for the most part, especially when I felt her getting close to me. And, then there was the lab policy, and all that. No way did I want to open that Pandora's Box."

"How did she take it? I mean hearing that you didn't want to date her at the time."

He shifted uncomfortably, "I, ah….never actually spelled that out, I guess."

"So you took her out on a date, ended it with a passionate kiss, ultimately offer her a job, and then just leave it at that."

He shrugged, "Well, yeah."

Heather could only do a mental head shake as she continued, "So how did Sara act towards you all this time?"

"She sent some signals that she was clearly interested in me, especially after I inadvertently flirted with her."

"How do you _inadvertently _flirt?"

He thought on that, and then remembered their exchange at the hockey rink. "Once, we were working a case together, and the subject of sports came up. She said I'd never been interested in sports, but I corrected her, I had been an avid baseball fan all my life. That's when I said 'it's a beautiful game.' She retorted, 'since when have you been interested in beauty?' and, without thinking I answered, 'since I met you.'"

"Oh, my."

"Yes, oh my, is right, although, I think I was saying something a tad bit stronger to myself. I mean, I just told this woman she's beautiful and I'm interested in one fell swoop."

"How did she respond?"

"Oh, I never gave her a chance, I quickly assigned her something to do."

"You are truly unbelievable. So, anyway, what kind of signals was she sending you?" Heather was thinking these must be glaring signals if _he_ picked up on them.

"She tried to let me know she was open to a relationship with all sorts of little hints. I tried like hell to ignore them, but it was impossible not to be attracted to her. Once at a crime scene where we were tearing down walls trying to find a body hidden in an apartment. It was maddening, knowing it was there, but not able to find it. I went outside to calm down, and Sara followed me. She reached up to rub my cheek, but it was more like a caress. It was electrifying; my whole body reacted to it. When I looked up, I must have had quite an expression on my face, but she just shrugged and said 'chalk'."

He touched his face reflecting on the memory, "She was just rubbing chalk dust off my face, and it sent shock waves through me."

"As scared as I was of how she affected me, I really did try to stay at arms length and avoid her. At one point, it became too much for her, and she submitted the paperwork to leave. I didn't understand it then, but my avoidance was hurtful. I managed to convince her to stay; I even sent her a plant."

"a plant?"

"Yeah, flowers wilt and die, but a plant will last. Anyway, before you cast judgment, it worked."

"Amazing, Ok, so what happens next?"

"Well, I knew I needed to change my ways. I became more hands on as her supervisor, I got more involved in her work, and I soon learned that's all she had in her life. Out of concern for her overall well being, I encouraged her to go out and get a life outside of work, but I meant like a hobby or something."

He sighed at the memory, "But, instead, she went out and got a boyfriend."

Heather snickered a bit, drawing a glaring stare from Grissom. "That hurt so much, and we were not even dating! I mean this guy, Hank, was everything I wasn't, tall, built, _young,_ I hated seeing them together. He was an EMT and was in attendance at a lot of our scenes. He and Sara were so happy when they were together, and if she wasn't there, he was asking about her. It was making me miserable."

"Well, surely you didn't expect her to wait indefinitely."

"No, I didn't, but I hoped she would," he smiled at the absurdity of the situation. "You know, I believe that's about the time you and I met."

Heather's eyebrows rose, "So, initially I was a distraction?"

"I didn't view it that way, I found you beautiful and fascinating. I loved getting to know you."

"But, not enough to stay involved?"

"Heather, we've talked about this. I don't love you that way, but I always cared for you. I've tried to remain a loyal friend over the years."

"Yes, you have. Uniting me with my granddaughter is the greatest gift any one has ever given me."

Grissom nodded, smiling at the memory. It was intensely satisfying to see that through.

"But, don't get off track, please continue, when you left off, Sara has a boyfriend you're not fond of."

"Right. Well, I didn't know the details, but it was obvious that Hank must have done something to really hurt Sara. They broke it off suddenly, and I overheard some talk in the break room. Warrick and Nick were threatening bodily harm if Hank ever went near Sara again. I was so glad it was over, and even though I was curious, I never knew what he had done to her until she told me about it years later, after we were together. He was cheating on his fiancé with Sara, the two timing bastard."

"Well, you did say he was everything you weren't."

Grissom's face lit up into a genuine smile, "I did say that, didn't I."

tbc….

a/n: I might be off on the timeline a bit with these early seasons, apologies if so, but I am trying to stick to the GSR moments as they occurred and provide a little insight. Stay tuned....things are bound to heat up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three: Shake Up**

Grissom had been describing his and Sara's tumultuous past with candor and unprecedented openness. Heather knew an awful lot about him, arguably as much as anyone knew, but was learning even more from this discourse. What was even more amazing, the more he revealed, the more he seemed to want continue. Heather wasn't about to interrupt him, but continued to provide moderation and a friendly ear.

"As happy as I was to see Hank go away, it was shortly afterward that Sara shocked me by asking me to have dinner with her. I guess it worked before so why not try again."

"How did you respond?"

"I told her I didn't know what to do about us. She just warned me that when I finally figure it all out, it could be too late. I was honestly caught off guard when I said that, but it was truthful. Anyway, once I had a chance to think on it, another fear arose."

"You and your fears, I never realized how much they control you."

He shrugged, "I never thought about it that way, but I must admit it's true. My fears kept us apart despite a very intense attraction. This fear was more of a recycled one rather than a new one," he tried to find some humor in the reality that he was coming face to face with. "I had always feared that I wouldn't be enough for Sara long term, and now, with the timing coming right after a break up, I feared I was just a rebound thing. You know, she's used to being with someone, and now she's alone, so she just reaches out to someone else to fill the void. I really had to avoid being _that_ someone. The time was just not right."

"That's the one thing you've said that makes any sense at all."

His eyes narrowed as he glared a bit after her comment, and then paused to think on the next eventful moment in what was becoming an epic saga.

Seizing the pause as a chance to take a break Heather offered to get them some hot tea while he thought on what happened next. Grissom's mind was full of memories going back to those years. The retelling of those times was enlightening for him, and he could see that it might just help him understand how he and Sara arrived at the precarious point in their relationship, and more importantly, what to do about it.

When Heather returned he was ready to forge ahead. Taking the cup of tea he started in again, "Things were very tense between us after that. We worked together, but the tension was palpable. I think it affected the whole team. I really didn't know what to do about it, but she was constantly on my mind. In fact, she was foremost on my mind during an interrogation, and I made a huge mistake."

"I find that hard to believe."

"It was both a personal and professional mistake. I let the interrogation get personal. I let my feelings for Sara come out. And, all the while, unbeknownst to me, she heard the whole thing from the observation room."

"What in the world did you say?"

"I compared the suspect's personal life to my own. He was a doctor who had an affair with a young nurse, a nurse that looked like Sara's twin I might add. Anyway, after she dumps him, in his grief over losing her he murders her and her new boyfriend."

"Oh my, quite a crime of passion."

"That it was. Talking to the suspect I remarked that when a beautiful young woman offers you a new life with her, but you have to risk everything you've worked for in order to have her, it's a tough choice. I then said 'I couldn't do it, but you did.' Sara overheard that, and knew exactly who I was talking about. If that wasn't bad enough, I didn't even know she was there. I only found out much later when she finally confronted me with those words."

"She carried _that_ around for a while, she's worse than you are. No wonder it took you two so long to get on the same page."

"She is intensely private. She makes me look like the office gossip."

They shared a laugh and sipped on their tea until he continued. "Things continued pretty much the same until there was a promotion to be given out. Sara and Nick were the two eligible for it, and unfortunately that put them in competition. I guess Sara was worried that our history would influence my recommendation. We were working a case and Sara was analyzing some bloodied sheets trying to explain the voids and transfer. When I walked up she had it all figured out, and to illustrate what happened she stood in front of the void and told me what to do to create the transfer from him to her, and him to the sheet. Heather, I essentially had her pinned to a bed. We were so close and …" Grissom shook his head, finally at a loss for words, "I was overcome with desire at that moment, God, I was a whisker away from kissing her again, right there in the lab, and she slipped out from under me. Then she started talking about us, rambling on about how she hoped that wouldn't affect my recommendation. I was in a state of shock. I could barely follow what she was saying, and I never responded. I couldn't believe what almost happened."

"So who got your recommendation?"

"Nick," he answered matter of factly, "because, he didn't care if he got it."

"How did Sara feel about that?"

"She was pissed! She told me that was a stupid reason," he half smiled until he remembered what happened next. "Next thing I know she was picked up and almost given a DUI. She was barely over so they let her slide. I picked her up from the station and she wouldn't even speak to me. I tried to be her friend, but she wouldn't have it. That hurt like Hell. The only thing she would say is that my opinion of her was all she cared about, and she'd let me down. I couldn't seem to convince her that it wasn't true at all. The truth is, I knew how I felt about her, and if I'd have given her the promotion, it would have sunk us both if we ever got involved. Ultimately I had to be her supervisor; I sent her for counseling and gave her a mandatory suspension. She wasn't too happy about any of that either."

"No, it doesn't sound like counseling would be too well received by someone that private, but I'm guessing that it's exactly what she needed."

"You know, it seemed to help, but the anger was still there at times. I really didn't understand it, and found it a bit frustrating. But, the bottom line, as a supervisor I still dropped the ball."

"Now what?" Heather couldn't believe there would be yet another misstep.

"I should have had a serious post counseling session with her, but I didn't have one at all until I got in trouble with Ecklie for not documenting one. We finally got around to a session, but Sara initiated it only because she knew I was in trouble for not having one. Because of that, it was nothing more than a formality. There was a lot that came out in couseling that I needed to know about her. I didn't find out about it because I didn't try."

Grissom looked pensive, staring off into space, "She did say some things that shook me up."

"It's about time something did," Heather couldn't resist the jab.

Grissom tried to ignore that, "I told her she shouldn't have to cover for her boss, and she told me that I had always been more than a boss to her, 'why do you think I moved to Vegas.' My God, I was overwhelmed to hear that. I mean, that she cared for me so much after all this time, I just felt like I didn't deserve it. She went on to say that counseling taught her that she was looking for validation in inappropriate places, that is from me, of course, and then everything made perfect sense."

"Well, she really laid it out there for you, mmm."

"Oh, God, yes. I wanted to reach out to her so bad it hurt. I even tried to stumble around a dinner invitation, but she let me off the hook before I could spit it out." At this point, Grissom rubbed his temples, trying to ward off a headache threatening to take over. The next stuff would be painful to be sure. "I wanted her so badly by this time, but she seemed content to move on and just work together. I tried to get my mind off of her, so I started dating a police woman turned CSI who we worked with."

Heather's jaw dropped.

He noticed her expression, "I know, another big mistake, but it was nothing serious, I assure you."

"Did you assure Sara?"

He shrugged, "Well, no. I had no idea at the time I was driving Sara insane with that. She was clearly on edge about something, but never wanted to talk to me about it. I mean, how in the world would she know I was dating her."

"Women always know."

Grissom rolled his eyes, then rose to pace the room and stretch his back. He looked terribly sad all of a sudden, almost like he could cry. "We had a case come up of domestic abuse. Sara was sent to the hospitals to look at photos of women who had come in beat up by boyfriends and husbands. She snapped. She went off first on Catherine, and then to Ecklie. She was suspended, and he was so angry he wanted her fired." His voice caught, he had to pause to compose himself, "I had no idea, all that time, and I had no idea."

"No idea about what?" Heather knew they were heading into something big.

Inhaling deeply, clearly fighting emotion, Grissom softly replied, "At first she listed some rationalizations, including choosing men who are emotionally unavailable, and gestured to me. I kept after her though, and ultimately she revealed the biggest source of her anger. Sara was raised in a home with abusive, alcoholic parents. They were more abusive to each other than to Sara and her brother, but you can imagine how painful it was growing up in that environment, not being shown any love, watching her parents abuse each other. Ultimately, her mother stabbed her father to death, and Sara was placed in foster care."

Heather was stunned, and was without words.

"It was all my fault. I was out of touch with what I was doing to her personally, she evidently hadn't let go the possibility of us dating, and I'd let her down. And, if I'd have done my job, I could have monitored her ability to handle domestic cases, steered her clear of some of the tougher ones. No wonder she went off. She finally let me know she was already on edge watching me pursue Sophia. And then she probably saw her mother in every stupid picture we sent her to look at. After she told me all this, she was a mess. I've never seen her so distraught. She made me promise over and over that I wouldn't tell another living soul, and I didn't. It turns out, all that had come out in counseling, and she was instructed to tell me, but couldn't manage it. I was never available for that kind of talk."

Grissom took his seat again, and with renewed composure picked up the story, "I stayed at her place for as long as it took for her to feel better. I really wanted to make up for being so out of touch. It was a big step in our relationship. I mean, I could understand her so much better, her motivation, her passion, and the source of her anger. I already cared so much about her, but now that she let me in, I could care so much more."

"So is this when you two got together?"

Grissom rolled his eyes, "Not exactly. Bad timing again. I mean, how could I take advantage of the vulnerable position she was in. That would be almost predatory. I tried to be more considerate around her where Sophia was concerned, and she was leaving the department anyway. Then I decided a friendly gesture to check on her was in order, but it turned into a disaster."

"I'm exhausted with you two."

tbc...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Crossing the Line**

**a/n: We're getting into the nitty gritty of the story, and it reads better if I insert some flashbacks rather than have Grissom tell everything to Heather. The present is in the standard font and the flashbacks are in italics. This chapter promises to get your attention.....thanks in advance for reading.**

After Sara had confided in me, it was tough on her; she's not comfortable being so vulnerable. She kept saying she was ok, but I could tell otherwise. Of course, it didn't help that we had several really tough shifts that week, doubles, even a triple thrown in, so I knew she would be sleeping until the last minute before she had to come in for her next shift. I bought one of those Starbucks special mocha things, and brought it over to her place. I called her from just outside her apartment. At first it sounded like she might have dropped the phone, it was obvious she had been in a deep sleep.

* * *

"_Sidle," she finally managed to mumble into the receiver._

"_Wake up, Sidle, there is a special delivery at your door to help you perk up."_

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yes?"_

_After a pause when he heard sheets ruffling and a door closing, "What in the world are you talking about?"_

"_Just pad over to your front door and let me in, it's time to rise and shine."_

"_I still don't get it."_

"_Well, I hate to spoil the surprise, but I'm outside your door with Starbuck's best."_

"_Why? I mean I don't understand."_

"_I care about you, surely you know that, and after what you shared last week, I wanted to check up on you, and make sure you were feeling ok about it."_

"_I'm sorry, but, aaah, I don't know how to put this, but, um, I have company."_

"_Company?" he snickered, "how can that be, you're sleeping."_

_Silence followed until Sara finally uttered, "think about it."_

"_Huh?" he responded, until the light came on, and a rush of adrenaline poured into him. He finally realized she was in bed with someone. It was a crushing reality. While he was struggling to get a grip on it, she followed with, "I'll bet Sophia would like some coffee." And the line went dead._

_He staggered out to the parking lot of her apartment, barely able to focus on anything, when a CSI Denali got his attention, but it wasn't Sara's. He examined the car and the contents and determined it was Greg's. With a renewed purpose he redialed Sara._

"_Sidle."_

"_Sara, who are you with?"_

"_I fail to see how that is any of your business."_

"_It is my business if two of my CSI's are engaged in a romantic relationship in violation of lab policies."_

"_For someone who has made it quite clear you have no interest in any relationship with me away from the lab, you are not entitled to the intimate details of my private life. If I act inappropriately in the lab, you are free to get involved in that." Her voice dropped an octave, "but, that won't happen, believe me. I once told you, I know what to do about _this_."_

_He had no trouble connecting the reference to their conversation, when he told her 'I don't know what to do about this.' 'This' being their attraction coupled with all the associated conflicts with the lab. He was at a total loss for words, so Sara took advantage of the silence, "Goodbye, Griss."_

_

* * *

_

"I was completely lost. I thought what she foretold had come to pass. I mean, she told me when I figured it all out it might be too late. And, here we were; I'm thinking I'm ready and she's with someone else. She showed me that she did indeed know what to do about _this._ But, she was doing it with Greg. I was awash in second thoughts and regrets. I think that was the first time I felt hurt like I am now. It was worse than when she was with Hank because I knew Greg. He is such a good guy and I knew he had always cared for Sara. He had youth and exuberance; just what I feared Sara would miss being with me."

"How serious were they?"

He laughed a bit, "Well, I'll get around to that. At the time, of course I had no clue. You can believe I watched them like a hawk, I just knew I could catch them doing _something_, and then she'd have to talk to me. But, it was just as she said it would be, it didn't happen. I worked cases with her every chance I got, just to be with her. Ultimately, we worked a case at a mental hospital. I didn't realize her mother had been brought to a place like that. She really handled it beautifully, better than me actually."

He took a deep breath at the memory, "The most frightening thing happened. One of the inmates, a narcissistic rapist no less, grabbed her in a locked room and held a pottery shard over her jugular. I was watching through a glass window while some flunky guard was positively fumbling with keys, unable to unlock the room. I don't know if I'd ever been so afraid. I've had a gun drawn on me and been less afraid. The door was opened after the longest minute of my life, and the crazy fool released her and slit his own neck."

Heather was stunned hearing the story; she had always pictured the CSI's out of harm's way.

"Sara went on and finished the case. I couldn't believe it, I mean, I could barely work it after that. That case and that image of her in the clutches of that lunatic really affected me, and I was already feeling so much regret for waiting as long as I had, seeing that she turned to Greg. I decided that it was time to make my move. If I was too late, then I had to know. If not, then the time had come. She showed me perfectly well how a couple could be involved outside of the lab and it not affect anything at all. I couldn't stay away any longer."

"Thank God," Heather lamented.

Grissom smiled and shook his head. It was quite the journey to finally get to even this point. "After we wrapped that case, I picked up some breakfast food, all her favorites, and fresh squeezed orange juice, but this time I called before just showing up."

* * *

"_Sidle."_

"_Sara, this is Gil."_

"_Gil?!" She never called him that so she was already wondering what was up._

_He rolled his eyes on his end, "I have some breakfast for you because I wanted to come by and see how you were doing. But, I …., I wanted to call first, you know, in case, ah, well, I wanted to make sure it was ok."_

_She was smiling at his awkwardness. "Sure, I guess it's fine."_

"_No company?"_

_She laughed out loud this time, "No, no company."_

_He heaved a huge sigh of relief, "Ok, look for me in ten minutes."_

_When he arrived, she let him in and he went straight to the kitchen to prepare everything. Sara thought that maybe he was feeling guilty about assigning her to the mental hospital case, although he really shouldn't be. _

_He served up her whole wheat bagel and cream cheese along with fresh berries and whipped cream. Her jaw dropped._

"_What in the world is going on?"_

"_I told you, I came by to check on you." He said as he drew her hair aside and grimaced as he looked on the bruised and abraded skin of her neck. "Does it hurt?"_

"_Nothing compared to being cast aside by you." The words were barely out of her mouth when her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth, shaking her head. "Oh my God, Griss, I'm so sorry, I don't know what made me say that."_

"_Don't apologize," he said dejectedly, "you had that coming."_

_She simply nodded and looked down, unable to maintain eye contact._

"_I also came over to, you know, um, talk."_

"_Talk?" she looked up quizzically. _

"_Sure, ah, I'm wondering, about this thing with Greg." Grissom was clearly uncomfortable, shifting, scratching his temple, "Yes, so this thing with Greg, um, am I too late?" After finally getting out the words, he waited for her answer, unable to even breathe._

_Sara's jaw dropped, and her mouth started to curl into a smile. Then she started to laugh. It was a deep, throaty laugh, a laugh that was heard much too rarely. Grissom was at a loss, he was looking around, his face growing more quizzical by the minute, but Sara couldn't help herself. She finally managed to get out, "Greg and I are just friends."_

"_But, I don't understand, you slept with him."_

"_True, but we only slept." Sara looked sideways at Grissom, "Have you ever heard of friends with benefits?"_

_He was more confused than ever. "No."_

* * *

He looked at Heather, "So have you heard of that?"

She snickered, "Yes, but I would think it a tad too hip for you."

"Are you really trying to make me feel better, because comments like that don't cut it."

"Sorry, please continue," Heather said ruefully.

_

* * *

_

Sara started to explain, "Friends who are attractive but unattached, might choose to, well, help each other with certain needs in between relationships."

_Grissom was looking horrified, "Whose idea was this?"_

"_Whose do you think?" Sara laughed._

"_Right."_

"_Anyway, you were seeing Sophia, and I was feeling terrible."_

"_I've been meaning to ask, how you knew about that, by the way?" he interrupted._

_She laughed at his lack of people savvy, "Well, every chance you two had you were chatting it up together, all smiles and everything. And, I know you took her to dinner, lab policies be damned," she deepened her voice in mock defiance._

"_But, how…"_

"_Sophia made sure I knew about it, and it was killing me." She replied sadly. "So when Greg came up with this lame brain idea, I was in. But, we had worked so many doubles that week, I mean, we were wiped out. After shift we shared a six pack, Greg fell into my bed while I got a quick shower. When I got out, he was passed out, probably the beer and the exhaustion. Anyway, I did the same, and slept until my phone rang and it was you. After that we both lost our resolve, and decided we didn't want to risk our very good friendship with something like that."_

_Grissom was floored, "And you led me to believe you two were involved!"_

"_No," she shook her head, "I told you I had company, period. I let you make your own conclusions. And, even if I led you to believe we were having sex, how is that wrong? You didn't even want to have dinner with me."_

_Grissom met his match. She was right. He had made her off limits personally, and he had no right to expect her to be forthright with details of how she spent her time away from the lab, or with whom for that matter. He nodded, accepting the truth, but continued, "So, um, back to my earlier question…"_

"_Which was?"_

_Grissom was like a deer in the headlights, frozen in fear, when he uttered, "Am I too late?"_

_Finally, it hit Sara what this was all about. He wanted her. He wanted _**her**_. With eyes starting to mist over, her body racked a few involuntary sobs. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"_

_By now Grissom was starting to spill some emotion. He took her hand and stood her up so that they could embrace, and he pulled her in tightly as he buried his face into her neck and took in her scent. He breathed in deeply and moved to face her, closing his eyes and moving his mouth to her lips, leaving the lightest of kisses, causing her to catch her breath. After taking in the closeness, he moved in again to kiss her, this time more forcefully. They deepened the kiss and tightened the embrace until it was clear that they had entered a new phase of their relationship. They had crossed the line all right, and there was no going back._

_tbc...._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: What to do about _This_**

Heather beamed, "You finally managed it, so how many years in between kisses?"

"Ok, so I'm a little slow in the romance department. Point taken."

"So now that you kissed, how long before you consummate the deal?"

"Well, you know how old fashioned I am, I need to romance her before just hopping in the sack; although, I had to fight mighty hard not to do just that and spoil everything."

_

* * *

_

They stood in the middle of Sara's apartment, savoring the closeness they had craved for so long. The embrace that followed the kiss was so basic, so natural, but the consequences were so profound for both of them that neither spoke for a while.

_When Gil relaxed his hold enough to look Sara in the eyes, he cocked his head and spoke in something close to his supervisor tone of voice, "So, now, ahem, you told me you know what to do about **this**."_

_She rewarded him with a wide smile and her sultry voice, "I believe I do. In fact, I think you do as well."_

_"How is that?"_

_"We do just what Greg and I did when you thought we were involved. We go to work, and we are professionals, we leave work, we get together when and where we want, and the two worlds never need to meet."_

_"You think we can pull that off?" he responded with some skepticism._

_"Absolutely, as long as you can keep from acting all flirty and goofy with me like you were with Sophia," and this time it was Sara who pulled Grissom into a kiss, erasing the frown that was forming after her previous remark, "The only question now is, when and where to start."_

_"Ah, well, on that, I have thought on it."_

_"Really! Let's hear it," Sara still couldn't believe this was happening._

_"Someone once suggested to me, let's have dinner, let's see what happens."_

_"Sounds like a wise someone," Sara beamed._

_"When is your next night off?"_

_"Sunday, you?"_

_"I'll make it Sunday, don't make any other plans, I get you all evening."_

_Sara got goose bumps, "I'll clear my calendar," she replied sarcastically._

_He kissed her once more, amazed at how sweet it was to be free to do that, "That one was for good bye."_

_"Already, you can't stay and finish breakfast?"_

_"No, I really need to leave…" he gestured between them, "before I, well, trust me, I want our first time to be special, can we leave it at that?"_

_Her smile got impossibly brighter, "Well, on one condition."_

_"Which is?"_

_"I need to know, what happened? I mean after all this time, what changed to bring you to me?"_

_"That's not an easy answer."_

_"I wouldn't expect easy, but can you offer me a teeny clue, something?"_

_"Let's just say my feelings finally overpowered my fears."_

_"Fears!? What in the world would ever scare you?"_

_Grissom sighed; this was not the conversation he was looking forward to having. "You have no idea," and he rolled his eyes. "I fear a lot with matters of the heart, unlike science, they are inherently unpredictable."_

_"And potentially rewarding beyond all measure."_

_"Sara, think practically. For one thing, this relationship has the potential to do serious harm to one or both of our careers. We'll have to have a longer talk about that sometime."_

_"I'm not putting my career ahead of you."_

_"Good, because now your advancement will surely slow because I have to be cautious of any potential bias, when and if our relationship were to become known."_

_"That's fine. I never cared about my status in the department, only my status in your opinion."_

_He smiled, how did he ever deserve this loyalty after all this time._

_"So what else scares you?"_

_"This conversation scares me."_

_"Why?" she giggled, "because you have to talk about your feelings with another human being?"_

_He frowned, "Yes." He pulled her into another hug, "happy now?"_

_"No!" she screamed playfully, "just another teeny, tiny clue, pleeeeease."_

_"Ok," he held her close, unable to look into her face as he spoke. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes while her scent soothed him, "I fear being in love with a young, beautiful woman." He kissed her on the forehead, and quickly exited the apartment. Sara's jaw was on the floor. There was clearly a whole lot more complexity in this man, and she would revel in the journey to explore it all._

_tbc...._

a/n: I know, I know, super short update, but just trying to set up the next chapter, obviously a biggie.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: I think it was a Sunday....**

**a/n: This chapter still mixes in flashbacks, they are in italics.**

_Grissom was pretty clueless on how to function in a relationship, but even he knew he had better call Sara to make sure things were okay the way after he left so abruptly. It took all the fortitude he possessed to confess that fear to her, leaving him no strength at all to face her afterward._

_He picked up the phone after getting home, dialing her number from memory, "Hello."_

_"Sara, can you forgive me for leaving so quickly?"_

_"Of course, I know that was difficult for you, but I'm grateful you confided in me like that."_

_"I don't expect you to understand that particular fear and it will be sometime before I can explain it, in fact."_

_"True, it's hard for me to understand it, but I don't need to at this point. I trust you."_

_"Until Sunday, then."_

_"Yes, business as usual in the meantime, and Griss,"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Thank you for this call, it was important."_

_"I'm glad, get some sleep."_

_He hung up, a new fear bubbling up to the surface. Now, he worried about how little he knew of being in a relationship. His new fear was that he was bound to screw it up._

* * *

Heather just laughed, "Well, that's one fear that's on solid ground."

"Hey!"

"I'm so sorry, that wasn't fair. You are doing an amazing job examining your journey with Sara. I hope it's helping you gain some clarity."

"I hate to admit it." He shook his head, "I mean I _really_ hate to admit it, but it is helping. I haven't thought on this in so long, and I had forgotten all we overcame to get together. Also, it's giving me insight into my fears and how they have controlled me. I never realized the degree to which that happened, and I'm ready to get control of that. It's giving me hope that where we are now is not insurmountable."

"Well, don't you dare stop now. Surely you don't intend to subject me to all those missteps and miscommunications and then leave out the prize. You have to tell me about Sunday," she smiled genuinely.

He returned the smile, "Yes, I suppose you deserve that. Well, knowing me, you know I wanted everything to be perfect, and the only way I could guarantee that is to have her over to my place and cook. A restaurant could have any number of things go wrong, not to mention, I'd be so preoccupied with who might see us there. Nope, I had a spinach lasagna recipe that even the most dedicated carnivores would enjoy, so a vegetarian would have to absolutely love it. I picked out the music, fresh flowers, new candles, fine wine, even bought new clothes; it all had to be perfect."

"Did you put fresh sheets on the bed?"

He looked at her sideways, trying to suppress a grin, "I did say it all had to be perfect."

* * *

_Although Grissom was planning an evening at his place, he was still too traditional to have Sara just come over. He still planned to pick her up. It was a date after all. He didn't even tell her where they were going, despite some intense interrogations._

_"You need to tell me where we're going so I'll know what to wear."_

_"Nice try, Sara. Just wear something nice, but comfortable. What's the catch phrase, dressy casual?" He wanted to add, 'something with easy access', but didn't want to come across too lecherous._

_When they pulled into his parking lot, Sara inquired, "What'd you forget?"_

_"Nothing, come on in," then in a faux French accent, "Chef Gilbear has prepared a fabulous meal just for you, Cherie."_

_Sara looked sideways at him, "You're afraid to be seen out with me."_

_"No, and yes." He shook his head, "I would be honored to announce to the world that you would actually have dinner with me, but in reality, that doesn't help either of us. Besides, I knew it would be a distraction for both of us, and I wanted tonight to be…" he shrugged, "perfect."_

_"Wow," she murmured, still wondering if she was dreaming all this. "But, why'd you come over to get me if we were eating here all this time?"_

_"It's a date," he looked quizzical, "The man is supposed to pick up the woman."_

My God, he's even more old fashioned than I thought._ Sara just loved that about him._

_It was obvious right away that Grissom had applied his unusually keen attention to detail in preparing for this date. There was nothing out of place, every corner of the townhouse was spotless, and scattered about, strategically placed reminders of romance, flowers, candles, and soothing, timeless music flowing over all of it. He poured two glasses of wine and brought them over to the sofa where they toasted, "to a long overdue dinner."_

_After sipping, "Mmmm, Griss, this is some wonderful tasting wine."_

_"Sara, I really wish you would call me Gil."_

_Her eyebrows went up, "Ok, well, I'll try,_ Gil_." It felt awkward._

_He smiled at the sound of his name uttered by her._

_"I have a confession."_

_Grissom took a deep breath, not sure if he was ready for true confessions. "Ok."_

_"Um, I heard what you told that suspect, you remember, the doctor, about not being able to risk everything you'd worked for to accept a life with someone like me."_

_He felt the color drain from his cheeks._

_"I have carried that around with me for a long time now, and I guess that because of that, I thought this day would never come. I just need to hear you say you don't feel like that anymore, before we go on."_

_"My God, Sara, I had no idea you heard that. But, that's one of the fears I told you about. I didn't think our careers would survive a relationship. Work is all I had ever known. It was my only reward, and I couldn't risk it. Especially, when the feelings you evoked in me were so powerful, they were frightening in their own right."_

_He took her glass and set it down, taking her into a warm embrace, "I'm with you, because I finally got past those fears, and this is what I've wanted since I first laid eyes on you after that lecture all those years ago."_

_She pulled away to show a smile of relief, and deliver a kiss._

_"Better?" he asked._

_"Much," she responded._

_"How 'bout I toss the salad?" He knew if he didn't get her off the couch soon, she would become the appetizer course._

_"Sure, what can I do to help?"_

_"Keep me company," and they walked to the kitchen hand in hand, big smiles gracing their normally serious faces._

* * *

"Dinner couldn't have gone any better. She positively loved my cooking," he said with a proud grin. "Conversation was fun and easy. Nothing too heavy, yet we were learning about each other. It was all good."

"I'm more interested in the dessert course."

"You would be."

"Everyone loves dessert, Grissom," and Heather smiled knowingly.

* * *

_When they finished eating the lasagna, they sat at the table sipping the wine and talking. The evening had been perfect thus far. Grissom finally rose to clear the table, and Sara immediately pitched in to help._

_"Hey, no, you're the guest here," he protested._

_"I don't want to be a guest."_

_He caught her meaning; she wanted to be more intimate than a 'guest.' "Ok, then, you can help."_

_"That's better," she replied, and helped gather up the dishes from the table._

_As he started rinsing off the plates, "You don't like to cook, do you?"_

_Sara replied, "No, growing up in the system, cooking was a chore, nobody made it remotely fun."_

_"I think you might like it if you tried it with a different mind set. I mean it's like science, a little experiment and you get to try out the result."_

_"You're probably right; after all, I_ do _like to eat." She watched him for a moment, "How did you get into it?"_

_"My mother. It wasn't a chore to her."_

_"Just another hidden talent of yours," she grinned, "What other talents am I going to discover?"_

_"Well," he inhaled deeply to work up his courage, "I've been told I'm quite a good kisser."_

_"Is that so," her eyebrows went up, "we kissed once, but that was so long ago. And the other day, I was caught off guard, so I can't be certain. I guess as a scientist, you need to arrange a demonstration to prove your assertion."_

_He turned the water off, dropped the towel on the counter, and grabbed her up in his arms. His lips hovered over hers until he lightly touched them on hers, gradually, moving closer, tasting, caressing, deepening the kiss until they were fully engaged, pulling each other as close as physically possible. When they finally broke off the kiss, "Well?"_

_"Mmmm, I'm not sure, better do it again," Sara teased._

_"Tough customer," he went right back in, but didn't stop at her lips, he traveled down her neck with tender kisses while his hands wandered all over her._

_"And now?" he asked expectantly._

_Sara was a little breathless, "Do I have to make a determination now?"_

_"No," he refilled their glasses and led her to the couch, "I'm just gettin' warmed up."_

_Sara grinned big in response. They settled in on the sofa and picked up where they left off. Finally Grissom unfastened the top button of her blouse, causing Sara to flinch. He looked up, thinking maybe he'd overstepped._

_"Are we Ok?"_

_She caressed his cheek, "Absolutely, I'm very ready for this moment."_

_He smiled with her reassurance, and left a trail of kisses down the middle of her chest and abdomen as the buttons opened. He was kissing her lips as he reached behind her to unfasten her bra. While still kissing her, his hand found her bare breast, his fingers dancing over her nipples. Sara let out a deep, sensual moan, and Grissom nearly fainted. There was already so much blood flowing south, the feel of her bare breast combined with her response left almost no blood for the rest of his body. He wanted her at that moment more than he had ever wanted a woman in his life._

_He managed to pull away enough to speak, "Sara," his breath somewhat labored, "I truly wanted to take my time and make this last, but right now I need you to come to bed with me before I explode."_

_Sara couldn't help but giggle, "Well, I've waited a long time to hear you say that, but I didn't expect it to be phrased quite like that."_

_"Were you expecting Shakespeare?"_

_"Let's say, something a bit more eloquent," she was smiling, enjoying this side of him._

_"Another time, right now I have no blood flow to my brain, can we go now, please," he was now pleading._

_She stood up and took his hand, walking him to his bedroom, "I'm pretty sure I know what to do about **that**, too."_

* * *

Grissom became silent, his mind lost in his reminiscing.

"So…" Heather was waiting with baited breath, "How was your first time together?"

"Oh, um," Grissom suddenly jolted to the present with her question. His memory not the only thing the story was stirring; he discretely reached over to pull a throw pillow over the bulge rising in his lap.

Heather smiled, wisely deciding to let him think he got away with that cover up.

"It was moving."

"That's all you're going to give me?"

"It's kind of personal don't you think?"

"I'm a sex therapist; I can handle a few more details."

Grissom let out a chuckle, "You know, I had years to perfect my fantasy of how I would make love to Sara if I ever got the chance, and by the time the opportunity came, I was so overwhelmed with desire, that I couldn't hold off to do any of it. Basically, by the time I got her clothes off and got into bed with her, I knew I would be lucky to make it full ten seconds." He rolled his eyes with a wry smile, "Mercifully, she didn't take long either." With that remark, Grissom was becoming uncomfortable with the conversation. "Let's just say, what it lacked in duration it more than made up for in intensity. Truth be told, it was the most powerful feeling I've ever experienced."

"I'll bet you got to act out that fantasy many times over the years."

He smiled wide, "Indeed I did, and even managed to perfect it more as we learned about each other." He looked pensive, and Heather decided not to interrupt his thoughts. Finally, he turned back to her, "I gave her a t-shirt and I put on a robe, and we finally had the dessert I had prepared," he said with a grin. "And, then we went back to bed. I was able to last a bit longer the next time," he added with a snicker, "and then we slept, all spooned up together."

"How was it when you woke up? No regrets, I take it."

"No, none at all. But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was plenty apprehensive. I mean we just jumped into the deep end of the pool, now we had to find out if we could swim."

tbc....

a/n: stay tuned! there is more to the story....


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Those Three Little Words**

Heather was pleased with Grissom's account of how they finally got together, now she had to try to get him to describe their relationship. She knew it couldn't be conventional, not after all he had revealed up to this point.

"So how did it go in the beginning?"

"Swimmingly," he beamed at the pun. "I was not as sure as Sara that we could sleep together and then just show up at the lab as if nothing had happened, but that's just what we did. And, another fear I had early on," he paused in thought, "Gee, this is getting to be a pattern, isn't it?"

"I'm glad you are starting to see that."

"Ok, let's see, latest fear, oh, yeah, I was afraid that after being alone for so long, I wouldn't be able to share myself, or even my space for that matter. But, Sara is quite independent. She seemed to sense that need, and was respectful of that need of mine to be alone at times. Gradually, the need to be alone dissipated to the point where if she wasn't with me, I missed her. It was almost effortless the way we developed patterns of being together, routines and such, and they evolved over time as our lives blended together."

"And, how was it when you two were at work?"

"It was great. I enjoyed working cases with her so much. I mean I always had, but so often we had an underlying anxiety when we were together. We got along much better once we no longer had all that built up sexual tension," he laughed. "We shared a few private jokes, maybe I stole a few telling glances, but we managed to stay so professional that no one suspected anything." After a pause, "Except maybe Greg, he and Sara remained such close friends. I must admit, I might have been a little hard on him, out of jealousy, but that was the only way that I let my relationship affect my job. I really regret that, but hopefully it helped him out in the long run."

"But, wasn't that hard for you two all that time, keeping everything a secret? I mean, did you ever talk about coming out with your relationship?"

"I thought on that almost every day. The hardest part was that we were unable to venture out together. Our time together was limited essentially to my townhouse and her apartment. Jim Brass knew about us, and he would come out with us on occasion, so if we were spotted, it wouldn't look like we were together," he laughed at the recollection. "But, we couldn't even get time off together for a trip longer than a day or two. That part was very hard. Not to mention it felt like we were living a lie, not able to share our joy with those around us."

"Was there any upside to staying secret?"

"The best part was it made us so close, an 'us against the world' feeling, it was quite powerful."

"It sounds like more hard than easy, so why didn't you come forward?"

"The repercussions at the lab would be huge. At best, we would not be able to work together, or work the same shifts even. Think about that, we would not see each other much with different schedules, and we would miss out on a huge part of our relationship, the intellectual challenge of work. It was not something we wanted to bring on. When it finally happened that way after the kidnapping, it was even worse than I imagined it would be. And that was the best case scenario, at worst; one or both of us could have been fired, and almost unemployable under the circumstances. We just couldn't do it, voluntarily anyway."

"Well, I must admit, that all makes sense, but I would think it would put a huge strain on even the healthiest of relationships."

"It did. There was one point that I was feeling, I don't know, trapped maybe. Anyway, an opportunity to teach a class up east came up, and I took it without even discussing it with Sara. It was only for four weeks, but I could see I was hurting her. It was just something I had to do," he shrugged.

"I would expect a separation like that would clarify a relationship."

"It did," he laughed, "It was all of about three days that I was there before I missed her more than I could stand. It was the affirmation I needed that this was the only woman for me."

"You know, one could argue that a love doesn't really start until it's declared. When did you first tell Sara you loved her?"

Another shift in the chair, "Well, I'm not the most forthright person when it involves discussing my deepest feelings, even with Sara."

After he thought for a moment, "I guess the first time, I didn't actually say it, I wrote her a love letter when I was on sabbatical. I didn't actually say 'I love you', but I think it was fairly obvious. Then again, I didn't actually send it to her, I lost my nerve. Eventually she found it at the house and read it though, does that count?"

"Of course not." Heather was sensing that like everything else, this took a lot longer than it should have.

"Ok, well then, it must have been after I returned from the sabbatical, so about two years into it."

"And what was the setting?"

"We were working a murder at a brothel, and were discussing the whole practice of paid sex when I said 'sex without love is pointless, it makes you sad.' Sara replied, 'I'm pretty sure I don't make you sad.' To that I answered, 'No, you make me happy.'"

"That's _it_, that's what you said?!"

"Yeah," a look of confusion forming on his face.

"Well, I'm so sorry to tell you, but that doesn't count either."

"Why not? If you examine the analogy the only possible conclusion is that I love her."

"Gilbert Grissom, have you ever said to Sara, 'I love you.'"

"Yes," punctuated with an exaggerated nod.

"When did you tell her?"

"When I finally got to see her in the hospital after her abduction by that psycho miniature killer, it's the first thing I said to her."

Heather had a stunned look, "Grissom, I see another pattern here."

"What's that?"

"For you to take a step forward in your relationship, Sara has to have her life threatened."

"Don't be ridiculous," he scoffed.

"Think about it, when did you first tell her you wanted to start seeing her, dating her?"

"After the case at the mental hospital."

"The one where her throat almost got slashed."

"True."

"And, when did you first tell her you loved her?"

"Ok, I see where this is going, but hold on. I asked her to marry me, and there was no lunatic would-be murderer around to prompt that."

"When did you do that?" Heather asked, somewhat encouraged.

"I guess a few weeks after we were working different shifts."

"You mean a few weeks after her abduction."

"Well, um, yeah, technically so."

"I think for a couple together for years, that puts it close enough to the event to keep to the pattern."

"My God, I think you may be right." Grissom rose from his chair and paced the room rubbing his temples, "I never thought about it like that." He was clearly unsettled and deep in thought. "The poor woman has to practically get herself killed to get me to move forward."

Heather could see this was a major breakthrough for him, but he would need some time to come to terms with it. "You have fears that keep you from making changes except in times of near crisis. When you learn to face down those fears, you will be able to move forward on your own, without some life altering event to nudge you along."

After regaining his composure, "Heather, I don't know how to thank you for enlightening me so. I was so pessimistic about this therapy business, but I really have to eat my words on that score." He sighed, "I have a lot to work on, but I have a much clearer picture of what I have to do."

"Grissom, there's one more thing."

"I don't know if I can handle one more thing."

"You need to handle this." She made sure she had his full attention, "Earlier I asked you if you regretted not going with Sara, and you answered that it was beyond your control. Grissom, it is completely within your control whether or not you work this job, in this city, and you need to understand that. You only feel like it's beyond your control because of Lord only knows what fears have you unable to move away. You need to examine that. You've seen how your fears kept you from Sara for so long, and now you know what you need to do if you want to be with her."

He nodded silently. He had a lot to think on. The pattern of crippling emotional fear was sadly evident to him, and he had to get control of it and reclaim his life.

tbc....


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: Life Gets in the Way**

Grissom had been awake for going on 48 hours by the time he left Heather's house. He knew all about that kind of tired. It was actually hard to come down from. By this point, adrenaline is flowing full force to keep you awake, and it doesn't turn off when your head hits the pillow.

He pulled into a liquor store and bought a bottle of scotch. He wasn't in the mindset to do anything crazy; he simply reasoned that he deserved a good, stiff drink after the emotional wringer he had just endured.

After getting comfortable at home, he settled in with his drink in hand, closed his eyes, and waited for the random thoughts flying through his head to slow down. Thoughts of his fears, his job, Sara, Warrick, more fears, were all bounding back and forth with no rhyme or reason. Nothing was going to get figured out until he could literally sleep on it.

Fortunately, he was scheduled to be off the next night because he would be in no shape to work it. He was beyond exhausted, and soon to be a bit tipsy, but mostly he was consumed with what he had learned about himself and he was determined to come to terms with all of it.

As relaxation crept in the thoughts slowed down, and he began to miss Sara. Not that he didn't miss her every second of every day, but he began to _really_ miss her. He needed her in every way a man needs a woman. Of course there was that _obvious_ need, the one most men list first and foremost, but truth be told, that's not what he needed so desperately at this time. While satisfying that need with her would be pure heaven, what he really needed was her guidance, her companionship, and her support as he faced this pivotal period in his life. No one else could help him through this, and she was completely out of reach.

Heather was brilliant at navigating his past to let him understand how he came to be at this point in his relationship with Sara, but she would have little or no understanding of what was involved in changing careers. Both Brass and Catherine would understand the job, but lacked the insight into why he would need to leave. They just didn't have Sara's perspective or understanding of that side of him. Sara was the one person who would understand all of that.

As the anxiety of being alone and separated from Sara was threatening to sabotage his journey to that much needed sleep, he poured a second drink. Whether it was the scotch or some new found courage, he began to feel resolve to consider choices that were previously out of reach. He was more than capable, and as his confidence rose, his thoughts drifted along more peacefully, he was finally ready to sleep and recharge.

While he had problems sleeping in the recent past, he had no problems that night. When he finally surrendered to it, his body practically went into hibernation. It was sound, uninterrupted slumber for ten and a half hours, practically a record for him.

He awakened with that fuzzy disorientation that follows that kind of hard sleeping. As he gradually recalled recent events, the gravity of his current situation began to weigh on him, until he remembered his resolve, his insight into his fears, and his renewed confidence in facing up to those fears. He padded to the coffee maker in his robe, ready to get down to work. There was no problem too complex for his brain to break apart and analyze, and he would approach this quandary with the same logic he applied to all challenges he faced. The only question was where to start.

He brought his coffee to his desk where he would put pen to paper. Where he needed to start was today; where did he stand, what did he want, and what did he have, _today_.

It took him hours of intense analysis, until he had a clear picture of where he was and what he needed to do.

He had a job that had been immensely rewarding for him over the years. He had a stellar reputation and all that went with it, and he had the satisfaction of training and grooming an entire team which surpassed all others in every measurable category. As satisfying as all that was, truthfully, his team was experienced and ready to train new CSI's in their own right. And, clearly, there was no job in the lab he aspired to move up to; any promotion would only add to the administrative burden he already detested.

He realized that a large part of his dedication to the job was a fear of the unknown. Leaving the hugely comfortable position he enjoyed for over a decade would require facing the great unknown. He looked closer at that fear. If he made a mistake, surely he could return to the lab, any lab in the country would roll out a red carpet for his services. But, he knew deep down, if he ever made the break, it would be for good. He was ready for a new challenge, and would likely embrace it once he found it.

Then there was Sara. What to do about her. The video convinced him that his first choice, that is for her to return to Vegas, was never going to happen. He didn't even want that anymore after seeing her so bright and upbeat away from there. He avoided the question of leaving with her mainly because he always thought she would eventually return to him. Now that he knew that was not going to happen, it was time to make a decision.

Heather had been right about that. He felt leaving wasn't an option open to him, but, in fact, it was indeed. He just made it so. It was certainly an option to consider, but not a decision to be made in a day, nor was it a decision to be made alone. He needed Sara for that. He knew what he needed to do.

Opening his laptop, he crafted a reply to her message.

_Sara,_

_Thank you for getting in touch, I was desperate to know where you were. You look wonderful; the trip obviously agrees with you._

_You need to know something. You were wrong that I made a decision by not making a decision. I was simply too afraid to even consider leaving, but truthfully, I'm far more afraid of losing you. _

_I need to see you as soon as it is possible. When you have an opportunity to answer this message, let me know where and when to come, and I will be there._

_I love you and I miss you,_

_Gil_

He read it through once, and without even one edit, he clicked to send it. It was a first for him that he recorded his feelings accurately on his initial try; evidence of the clarity he was finding in his life.

Grissom could tell that Sara didn't have unlimited internet access, and he really had no idea when she might get his message. He was ready to patiently await her response.

It crossed his mind more than once, that the video might have been prompted because she was ready to move on, or worse, already had. It was a reasonable thought, another fear, but he would not allow it to paralyze him. He was ready to act, to work on their relationship, and hopefully find some answers. He would move forward.

Grissom returned to work, more rested than he had been in quite a while. His concentration had improved since he was dealing with aspects of his life that had been crying for attention. The only thing that was still a problem for him was that pesky empathy thing. The tragedy of each case he worked provoked far too much uncharacteristic emotion. He was starting to see that as a sign that maybe the time to leave was more immanent than he once thought.

One night, while catching up on his paperwork at the lab, he absently checked his email to find a message from Sara. His heart raced as he sat at attention in front of the monitor, almost afraid to see it. After all, the last one wasn't at all what he was expecting. He took in a deep breath and clicked on it.

_Gil,_

_I am just getting your reply. This is one time I'm quite happy to be wrong about something. _

_I would like nothing better than to see you. On the slim chance you could actually come here, I've attached the itinerary of the Sea Shepard's last two weeks. After that, I am going back to San Francisco to plan my next adventure. All the dates are listed, and once I get off this boat, I'll be sure and call at my first opportunity. In the meantime, if you are free, you know how much I love surprises!_

_Until then, you are always foremost in my thoughts, I love you,_

_Sara_

Grissom couldn't have gotten better news if he'd have dictated the response he wanted to receive. The fact that she okayed a surprise visit reassured him that she had not moved on. He could breathe a sigh of relief for that. He opened the schedule attached and printed it up. The paperwork he had been working on was put aside while he checked the dates, and started searching the travel sites for possible flights. He diligently researched all the possibilities, and then booked it before he even cleared it with Ecklie. He had let the lab come between him and Sara for long enough now, this was one time he wouldn't allow it.

At the end of the shift, he strolled into Ecklie's office and handed him a sheet of paper with the dates that he would be out. "Conrad, something's come up and I need to take off these days. I know we're short already, but you'll just have to pull from days and swing to cover it. I'll arrange for Catherine to supervise while I'm gone."

"Ok, Gil, I'll let you know."

"No, Conrad, I'm telling you that I won't be here."

"I can't approve this until I've had a chance to look at it. Anyway, what's come up that's so important you would risk leaving the lab seriously shorthanded?"

"My life," and he turned and walked away from the stunned look on Ecklie's face.

tbc...


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: Decisions, Decisions.**

_Ten days later, in a hotel room, somewhere in the Galapagos Islands…._

The worn sheer curtains which hung from the open window of the room wafted in the subtle late afternoon breeze off the water. The only sounds were the surf outside and the creaky motor of the ceiling fan toiling to keep the air in the room moving. Sara and Gil lay atop the bed, their bodies glistening with perspiration after a passionate reunion. Sara rested her head in her favorite place on Grissom's chest with her arm draped across him.

No longer content to just 'be' together, Grissom had come to share, and had learned first hand how productive that could be, "God, I've missed you," he pulled her closer, "this."

"Mmmm," she purred, "I could tell."

He gently laughed, "Do you remember our first time together?"

Sara smiled, "Why yes, that date at your place, that perfect date."

Grissom laughed again, "Yes, but I mean our first time making love."

Sara giggled a bit, "It was fleeting, but incredible," she shifted to look directly at him, "you know, we both had years of desire coming out all at once, it was the most intense feeling I've ever had with anyone." Her voice had become serious by the time she uttered the last phrase.

Grissom inhaled deeply, and nodded, "I felt the same way, but I was disappointed that I couldn't make it last." After a pause, "I'm just grateful you gave me another chance."

"You really had no danger of not getting that!"

"Now, do you remember about a week or so later, at your place?"

Sara's brow crinkled in thought, "The night with the take out Chinese food and the corny movie?"

"Yes," Grissom rolled his eyes, "How I ever endured that chic flick, I'll never know."

"You sat through it because after it you wanted to have sex, that was obvious," Sara was grinning broadly at the memory.

"So you remember the sex?"

"How could I forget? It was amazing, I mean mind blowing. It's really been so great with you always, but that night I knew we really had something very special."

Grissom was so relieved that she remembered the night that way; it made what he was about to tell her so much more meaningful. "I never told you this, but I fantasized about making love to you for years before it happened." He looked down at her, "I mean I memorized every kiss, every touch, every move I wanted to make. I fully expected to love you like that our first time," he shrugged, "but it didn't work out as planned. I'm just so incredibly happy that when it finally happened, it was memorable for you as well," he closed his eyes, reliving the memory.

Sara sat up supporting her head within her hand propped on her elbow, and reaching over to caress his cheek with her other. He opened his eyes, turning to look at her, speaking again, "That night, that was when I finally carried out my fantasy, that was my dream. This, ah, this confession I guess I'd call it, is a long overdue thank you for making my dream come true."

Sara was moved beyond words. "I don't even know what to say to this. I mean, you've never revealed this kind of emotion to me before. It's amazing to get this insight into you." She shook her head, "Don't stop, this is great!"

He grabbed her up in a playful embrace, peppering her with random kisses, "You didn't know I could be such an open book?"

"God, no!" She pushed herself up, straddling him, "What gives?"

He shrugged, "Between you leaving and Warrick's death, I suppose I was in an awfully bad way. It was not by choice, but I gave in to some therapy, and I was immensely helped by it. I had never found baring my innermost thoughts and feelings very therapeutic, quite the opposite; I've always felt exposed and uncomfortable. I'm not really sure I understand why now, I'm benefiting from doing just that, but it's what's helping me. And, Lord knows, you deserve more than I've given in the past in that department." He pulled her down, drawing her close, and she settled her head on his shoulder. "I need your help, and I'm going to need to open up to you for that to happen."

Grissom was dedicated to this whole sharing thing, but wisely decided Sara didn't need to know the identity of his therapist. The important thing was, he was with her now, and they were moving forward together.

"Something tells me this is not going to be a short little chat," Sara said with a sideways glance.

"No, I would think not," Grissom's face became very serious, "It's the reason I had to come here, why it couldn't wait, why it couldn't be phone or email conversation."

"And, here I thought you just came to see the tortoises with me," Sara teased.

Grissom chuckled, "God knows, I love you."

Sara's eyebrows popped up, "Wow, I love you, too, Gil."

Grissom told Sara he loved her on several occasions, but that was a sentiment that he didn't share often or freely. She just had to remind herself of that fact in the interim between those special declarations. "Well, if you truly love me, and you plan to talk my ears off, then you better feed me, because I'm getting awfully hungry."

He nodded, "We did work up an appetite."

"I'll say," she quickly kissed him and exited the bed, forced to tiptoe around the clothing strewn all over the floor on her way to the bathroom. "So do you think we're a bit under dressed like this." They shared a laugh, then quickly showered and redressed. "I'll need to stop by the ship and pick up a few things," Sara mentioned on their way out of the hotel.

When they got back to the pier, "I really messed up not having a camera to catch your expression when you realized that was me waiting for you."

Sara laughed, "I thought sure I wouldn't see you until I got back to California. I guess I did have quite a look when I spotted that goofy hat of yours."

"Goofy?!"Grissom shot back, a look of surprise on his face.

"C'mon Gil, you know it's the only one like it in the whole world, but it is a little goofy."

He frowned, "You're just jealous of it."

"Oh yeah, that's it," Sara replied, with more than a hint of sarcasm.

They made their way to Sara's room on the ship, and she quickly packed up a bag to take to the hotel. When she first stepped off the ship to find Gil waiting for her, she was completely overcome with joy to see him there. When they finally spoke after a lengthy kiss, Grissom gestured over his shoulder and told her, "I have a room," and they took off practically running to be alone together. There was no way she was going to delay that reunion to get some things, and now that he was with her, she wouldn't leave his side for even a second.

They got a recommendation from the hotel clerk for a good place to to eat. As luck would have it the place was an outdoor, shaded restaurant right on the water. They were treated to a spectacular dynamic scene where nature and wildlife put on a show worthy of the discovery channel. There was no better place on earth for them to pass the time deciding their future together.

In that relaxing setting, a million miles away from the mad chaos of Vegas and the crime lab, they felt like they had all the time in the world, so they ordered an appetizer of pica de gallo and chips, a couple of beers, and compared notes on all there was to see before them.

Grissom hadn't been in a hurry to rush into the serious stuff, and Sara was content to let him work up to it. Finally, he started in, "Sara, I have to tell you something."

She held her breath, not sure how this was going to go. Grissom had shocked her already with his openness, no telling what shocker might be next.

"I always believed deep down, that you would come back to me. It wasn't until I saw how happy you looked on this trip, away from Vegas, that I realized that not only was that never going to happen, but also, that I was wrong for even wanting it to happen."

She opened her mouth to speak, but he took her hand and continued, "There's more. I also never felt I could leave the lab; not that I wanted to or didn't want to, just that it wasn't even an option. I can't explain it really, it was just an obligation that I sensed, and I couldn't see beyond it." He paused in reflection, "Now, I see it as a choice, and I need you to help me make it."

Sara's jaw dropped, and she swallowed hard, "You know, I would never ask you to leave the lab just to be with me, I mean, if I didn't think it would be a good thing for you, too."

He nodded, "So where do you see us living, and what would we be doing?"

She looked off in thought, "Well, just off the top of my head I can tell you what I was going to do next."

"Ok, let's start there."

"I have been so moved by this trip, that I wanted to explore some options in doing biologic field research. What I've been told is that it's easy to get into, dozens of American universities have research arms at stations in remote locations around the world. I was going to look into that when I got back to California. I would need to enroll in a post-grad program because all of my post graduate work was on inorganic materials. But, you," she laughed, "you are already qualified to do research on your own. It would be even easier for you, if it was something you were interested in."

His eyebrows rose and his head nodded, "Ya know, I'm starting to see it."

"Can you picture it, studying life instead of death, in a place teaming with wildlife, insects, and _greenery_."

He was getting the picture, and it was appealing. "Getting to do it together..."

"You know, it's not something we'd have to do forever, but once you are out of the lab, the possibilities will come to you, and you'd be amazed at the choices out there for people like us."

He was silent in thought, and Sara knew she'd need to let him ponder things for a bit. She just relaxed and took in the surroundings while Grissom mulled things over.

They eventually ordered their meal, but lingered leisurely while they talked about possibilities, exciting possibilities. It was a vision Grissom had never contemplated before, but one that he was embracing.

They talked about different cities, compared areas of the country, foreign sites, universities, careers. They shared what they knew of academic positions as both tended to gravitate back to that as a potential next career. Grissom wondered aloud about consulting as a forensic entomologist.

They talked about marriage.

He took Sara's hand looking deeply into her auburn eyes, "You have given me a vision of the new path my life is sure to take. I knew you would be able to help me do just that."

Sara's face lit up, "I'm thrilled beyond words to hear you say this."

"You know, the only thing left to figure out is the timing. The only way I can leave is if I don't feel like I'm hurting the lab. That means it can't happen right now."

"If you cling to that too tightly, the right time may never come."

"No, I'll make it happen, I just don't know how long it may take, but I feel it, I'm ready." He pulled her hand up to lovingly kiss her palm, "And, I'm going to ask you to wait for me."

"I can wait for you," she rolled her eyes, "Lord knows I've done it before, just promise me I don't have to wait another six years," she snickered.

Grissom grimaced, "What a waste, looking back on it...."

Sara interrupted him, "Don't go there, it's in the past, we're focused on the future now."

He nodded, Sara was exactly what he needed. He wondered if she knew just how much he needed her.

tbc....


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Best Laid Plans**

The two and a half days that the Sea Shepard was in port were two and a half days that Grissom and Sara were never apart. If they had been anywhere else in the world, they may never have left their hotel room, but given that it was the Galapagos Islands, some sightseeing together was impossible to resist. Grissom had never been so glad to have boarded a plane in his life. Those two and a half days were pure magic.

Thanks to Grissom's new found openness, they moved forward in their relationship more in those two and a half days than they had in two and a half years. They reached a consensus on nearly every question they tackled, and, for the first time in their relationship they had a plan. They had a clear cut plan that they both embraced.

Sara was going to go forward with her idea to participate in field research by enrolling in a post-graduate zoology program. Grissom, in the meantime, would return to the lab, but with the intention of leaving when the time was right. He would be the only one to make the call, Sara did not want to interfere with that. Either way, he would only give it six months, and then, ready or not, he would pull the trigger and leave.

They had a wish list of institutions picked out in cities they could be happy in, and Sara was going to start there in finding a place to affiliate with that had the field work she wanted to try. Grissom already knew which universities had reputable entomology programs, and they included only those places on their list.

The more they talked, the clearer the plan became. The only decision they deferred was marriage. They reasoned when they were living under the same roof again, that would be the time to address that particular question.

Sara was deliriously happy. She was so close to getting everything she ever wanted in life.

Grissom was excited. He hadn't felt exhilaration like he was experiencing in so long, he almost forgot how it felt. His life had become so predictable the last several years, and then when Sara left, it became lonely. When Warrick died, it became sad. Now he was infused with optimism and energy at the prospects of a new career, an adventure, and a life with Sara.

Sadly, their time together came to an end. They spent their last hours together in the hotel room where memories of intense love making would stay with each of them until they were reunited again. Grissom made sure his last chance to savor Sara would be like his fantasy from long ago. It was memorable and all that much more meaningful since Gil shared the story behind it with her. She remembered how he took his time, how he leisurely explored every inch of her, and made her feel like she was the luckiest woman in the world.

It was all he could do, to escort her back to the ship. The magical two and a half days were over, and they needed to return to their respective lives, but they had the plan. The plan to come back together in a brand new life, that is what would sustain them in the interim.

Their parting at the dock was passionate, and tearful, but their hope and optimism kept it from being too sad. Sara promised to communicate at every opportunity, and Gil promised to move forward as quickly as possible in restaffing the team to allow him to give his notice.

When she finally separated from his embrace, when the final moment came, she shook with sobs, but still managed to smile at him from deck of the Sea Shepard. The vision of Sara's smile, in a beautiful hand made dress, colorful cloth belt, and wide brimmed straw hat, one Grissom had insisted on buying for her, would stay burned in his memory, and would sustain him until they would be reunited.

He waited until the ship was out of sight before starting on the odyssy back to Vegas. The trip was nothing short of exhausting, and quite an insane ordeal for such a short visit, but in Grissom's mind it was more than worth it.

Before the last leg commenced, the last connection flying into Las Vegas, Grissom didn't know how he would be able to work even one more shift. He was so completely immersed in thoughts of what opportunities existed for Sara and him away from the crime lab that he was ready to start that very second.

_Six months, humph, It will be a miracle if I make it six weeks._

By the time the plane landed, Grissom was exhausted. He managed only a few hours sleep before the shift started, cursing at himself for not insisting on one more day off.

He was merely going through the motions at the lab. His heart was just no longer in it; it was someplace else.

Catherine noticed it; she knew that things had changed for him somehow, she just wished he would open up to her about it. He didn't tell anyone where he went or why he had to leave, but they all guessed, and more importantly hoped, that it involved Sara. What they couldn't understand; why didn't he look happier after the time off. The last thing everyone but Catherine suspected was that he was sad because he wanted more of that time off.

Meanwhile, Sara returned to San Francisco. She filled out applications, sent off letters, made phone calls, and contacted people she met on the Sea Shepard for _more_ contacts. It was a full time job of networking. She scoped out post graduate programs as well as entomology positions, and let it be known they were a package deal. A lot of interest was expressed from multiple institutions, but it was evident early on that acquiring the positions they aspired to would be a lengthy process, and that made doing any research in the rainforest even more remote on the time-line. She also learned that while accomplished entomologists were rare as hens' teeth, so were entomology positions. The fact that Grissom was a _forensic_ entomologist tweaked the interest of multiple institutions, but that would mean development of a new position, new curriculum and courses, and that meant _time_ for the bureaucracy to catch up with the opportunity. The plan was going to take a while, period.

Gil and Sara talked regularly, she gushed about all she was finding out while he merely kept to himself. There wasn't much for him to say, he was miserable, and that wasn't anything he wanted to share with her. And, he certainly didn't want to share his work with her; why make her depressed too?

Finally, when the flurry of networking slowed down, it became a waiting game for Sara, and she was starting to get positively stir crazy. It's not like she was good at waiting to begin with, but it was even more taxing to wait when you don't know how long you'll be at it. Waiting for Grissom to make a decision, waiting for the universities to make decisions; she was the only one who knew what she wanted to do. So she got to it. She found out that you could work on research projects by directly applying at the Costa Rican stations. She perused lists of projects and studied the attributes of each station until she found the place she wanted to go.

She applied online, and not only was there space available to work the project, there was a stipend for expenses, and an immediate opening. She wasted no time in finalizing the arrangements. She normally let Grissom be the one to call her because she was so much more likely to catch him at a bad time than the other way around, but she couldn't contain her excitement. She dialed him up while he was on shift.

"Grissom."

"Hey, supervisor, check the caller ID."

"Gosh, what a nice surprise, I'm not used to getting calls from you like this."

"Well, It couldn't wait; I have news."

"Really now, well, spill it, but I hate to ask this, try to make it short, we're in the middle of...."

"Oh no, you don't need to elaborate, I completely understand, I'll make it quick." She inhaled deeply, "Well, here goes. I found a way to do research in Costa Rica without being enrolled in graduate school, so I searched the possibilities, found the perfect one, signed up, they took me, they're even going to pay my travel and a stipend, and ..."

"Hold on a minute!" Grissom interrupted her while he tried to move out of earshot of the others, "What in the world is this?"

"I don't understand; I thought you would be so happy for me."

"I asked you to wait for me, and you said that you would!"

Sara was seriously taken back, their definitions of '_wait_' were totally different, "I did say that, but I meant romantically," she calmly replied.

"But," he rubbed his forehead, "but, Costa Rica was for _us_ to discover.....together. Wasn't that the plan?"

"Grissom...." he had learned when she called him that now a days, they were heading into rough water. "Ah, I don't know what to say, I mean, that's such a sweet sentiment, but it's not....I don't know, uh, fair?"

"Why isn't it fair? Why shouldn't I hold you to your promise?"

"Oh my God, this is unbelievable!" Sara was getting wound up. Their signals were hopelessly crossed, and she wasn't at all sure how to fix things. "Griss...I promised to wait for you, what I meant by that is that I wouldn't see anyone, you know, I wouldn't date. I didn't mean that I would stop living."

"I see," he replied tersely.

"I don't think you do," Sara continued in an emphatic tone, "I have spent a significant portion of my life waiting for you. Initially it was for a very long time, but I could do it because I hadn't experienced you yet, I didn't really understand what I didn't have. Now I do, and the wait is killing me. I want nothing more to be with you, but I don't know if it will be tomorrow or six months from now. I can't sit in my apartment not knowing, I have to stay busy, and this, research in the rainforest, this is what I desperately want to do. Would I rather do it with you, Yeeaaah, but that's not a choice I have right now."

Grissom nervously looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was eavesdropping. Not seeing anything suspicious he replied to Sara, "I'm getting the picture." Feeling a bit ashamed at the realization, "I guess it's jealousy and frustration talking. I'm so ready to run away with you it's killing me here."

"So do it, just do it!"

"I have an obligation, we've talked about this. We're only one hire away, and then the notice goes in." He closed his eyes and pinched his nose, trying to fend off a headache, "Sara, I really hate to do this, but I have to get back to the scene, I'll call you after shift."

"Gil, I love you."

Making sure the coast was clear, in a hushed tone, "I love you, too."

As promised, Grissom called at his first opportunity, he had relaxed significantly since their conversation, but clearly it pained him to think of her in Costa Rica without him. He sought her reassurances, and they rained down on him. She promised that in the vast world that existed outside the crime lab of Las Vegas, they would have a lifetime of places to discover together. She convinced him the only downside to her foray into this trip was that their communication would be limited. No longer would they be able to pick up a phone and be in instant contact, but she made sure he had every detail he needed of where she would be and when, and how to get word to her.

So it went, Sara left the very next day to another new adventure, and Grissom went into work like he had thousands of times before. That night a case came up that would have normally absolutely captivated him, and when it didn't in the least, he decided that he could no longer do it. It was time. He could barely concentrate, consumed with images of himself in Costa Rica with Sara. He wasn't doing anybody any good by continuing to work at the lab, least of all, himself.

He had mentioned in confidence to Ecklie that he would be leaving the lab sometime in the next six months, so he went right into his office after that particular shift, and handed in his resignation, much to Ecklie's surprise.

"Gil, honestly, even though you warned me that this was coming, I just never thought I'd see this day."

"Conrad, you need to keep this between us until I have a chance to tell my team."

"Of course, no problem." As Grissom turned to walk out, "But I thought you said you would wait until I hired at least one, if not two grave CSI's to replace you."

"I know I said that, but the fact is, I just can't do this anymore. It's time for me to go."

"Gil, is there anything at all I can say or do to get you to change your mind?"

That actually produced a sideways grin on his face, as he shook his head in response and continued out the door.

He spent the day pouring over his cases to see which ones he could reassign and making a punch list to close the others. That night, at the start of shift, he informed his dedicated team of his decision, and the news spread through the lab like wildfire. No one could believe it would really happen, but they all took turns talking to him about it, and learned that, in fact, it truly was happening.

Grissom was humbled by the appreciation that showered his way by all who benefited from their association with him. Beyond that, he was so proud of the talent and dedication of the team he had assembled, that he didn't worry at all that they would miss a beat after he left. In fact, he reasoned they might just be better off without him in his current dispirited state.

As fate would have it, his departure was delayed when his last case took an amazing turn, and he knew he would have to stay and see it through. But, the fates also took care to provide him an opportunity to fill the void his departure would create. The consultant on the case, Dr. Ray Langston, would make a terrific CSI, Grissom reasoned. He set out to successfully convince the doctor of that very thing.

With that new hire, Grissom could walk out the door with a clear conscious, and that's just what he did one day. No party, no fanfare, he just left.

His new life just began, and he wasted no time in jumping right in.

tbc...

**a/n: Well, I guess it's no surprise that I'm trying to set up the reunion in Costa Rica, but it's not coming to me like I thought it would. I just finished another story with that reunion in the last chapter, and it's all I can think of when I try to imagine it. The last thing I want to do is recycle that story, so I'm just trying to be patient, and get some fresh ideas. So.....I'll try to get it together and update soon. Thanks for reading, and reviews are nice!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Frogs or Bugs, only True Love can Decide...**

**_a/n: I left off the last chapter with Grissom walking out of the lab for good, and I wasn't _exactly_ sure where I was going with the next chapter. Now that I have an idea where to go with this, I need to back up a little bit to get back on track. So this chapter picks up at the time when Sara is in Costa Rica but before Grissom has officially resigned..... _**

After Sara arrived in Costa Rica, she managed to get off an email message to Grissom letting him know she made the trip safely and was preparing to go out in the field. The message contained all the pertinent details of the project she was signed on to as well as contact people and information. She closed with all the right words to reassure him that she was waiting for him after all, just not in San Francisco.

Grissom replied with a generic message, a keep safe, I love and miss you, sort of message. He left out the tiny detail that his resignation letter was typed up and ready to go in his desk drawer.

He didn't hear back, but that was to be expected. What he disliked most about Sara being there without him, was that he wanted to be at her side to experience it with her; but what he disliked almost as much, was being unable to pick up a phone and hear her voice whenever he needed just that.

It was only a few days later that Grissom's epiphany occurred. It was one of those times in life where your path emerges before you with unmistakable clarity.

Grissom took a 419 solo, and what he found was a case that was as fascinating as they come, right in his wheel house. There was a single victim, lots of blood spatter and trace to tell the story, and like the cherry on top, a generous amount of insect activity. Loads of factual evidence begging to be analyzed, all without those pesky, sketchy, eye witness accounts to muddy the picture.

He went through the process, the photos, the collections, later the autopsy with Doc Robbins; eventually gathering all the pieces to the puzzle in the layout room to put it all together. He stood over the evidence, which was intriguing on every level, even with a side order of insect activity, and all that juicy analysis still couldn't compel his full attention.

Standing in front of the giant table, he was staring past everything and off into space, thinking of Sara. Wondering what she was pouring over, searching for blue tree frogs perhaps? He laughed to himself, remembering the time, she must still be asleep. At the thought, he closed his eyes, pictured himself there, pulling back the flap to her tent and gazing at her sleeping form in the moonlight. It would be warm, she wouldn't be under the covers, her thin cotton shirt clinging in all the right places, her long legs....

"Grissom!" Catherine's voice startled him so he nearly jumped out of his skin. "What is going through that head of yours."

He shook his head trying to clear the cobwebs and rejoin the present, when he realized he had an embarrassing bulge forming in his pants. Mercifully there was a chair nearby he plopped in and scooted up to the table, hoping upon hope Catherine missed it. But, then again, knowing she doesn't miss much.

"Gil," Catherine started in, a bit more concern in her voice, "Are you feeling ok?"

"Sure," he forced a slight smile, "You caught me daydreaming, I do believe."

Catherine had observed the change in him for a while now, and this was even more proof that his days at the lab were numbered, whether _he_ knew it yet or not.

Yet at this very moment, he knew it with unprecedented certainty. This is exactly when he knew. The time had come.

He discussed the findings with Catherine, but it was clear they held a mere passing interest to him, until he finally excused himself, retreating to his office.

It was near the end of their shift, so Ecklie should be in his office by that time. He opened up his desk drawer, pulled out the letter, dated and signed it, then walked it down the hall to Ecklie in person.

Ecklie still couldn't believe he would really go through with it, but when Grissom would not budge in the slightest, he accepted the letter.

Grissom then returned to his office rather than the case in the layout room. He pushed aside the mountain of case files and performance evaluations that had accumulated and found the information on the project Sara signed onto. _If she can do it, then why can't I?_ Grissom reasoned regarding Sara's project in Costa Rica. He researched the information Sara forwarded, found the website, and started the application process, his case would have to wait.

Since he had just updated his resume and forwarded it to individuals and institutions Sara had contacted; it was right there at his fingertips making the application process a snap.

Once that was done, he turned his attention on getting his cases closed or reassigned. He put in a double after getting side tracked, but eventually got back to his latest case in the layout room. Catherine had rearranged some things to leave a few hints, and move him along. He smiled at the gesture. He could focus much better on things having taken the steps he had to move on. He was squarely on his new path in life.

Meanwhile, it took a few days, but eventually, in an office at the La Selva research station in Costa Rica, Gilbert Grissom's application to work on the Blue Tree Frog project arrived on the desk of Ginny Miller. She was the assistant to the research coordinator Ben Torres.

When she finally got to his application and perused the information contained within it, several items jumped out at her. Grissom was so far from being the typical applicant, that Ginny knew she better bring it to her boss's attention.

"Mr. Torres," she called as she entered his office, "I'd like to show you this application I received."

Looking up from his desk, slightly annoyed at the interruption, "Mmmm, all right." Taking the paper from her, his eyebrows rose almost immediately, "What is a criminologist with a PhD in entomology doing signing up for a bottom level research project on _frogs_, for crying out loud!"

"I have this as well," handing him another piece of paper, "I googled him and found all these publications he's authored."

"Ok, now this is just too bizarre." While scanning the impressive body of Grissom's work, "He's clearly an experienced field researcher in addition to his primary work, he should be applying to us with a project of his own."

That's when it clicked, "Wait a minute," Ginny exclaimed, "I remember verifying a work history on another former criminologist, and I think that person may have worked in Las Vegas as well."

"A personal connection?" Torres wondered out loud, "Get the files of people on that project, let's see if he, or _she,_ is on the same one he's applied for."

Ginny returned a few minutes later with Sara's file, grinning ear to ear. "Yes, now I remember, and it is a 'she', Sara Sidle. I just verified her employment and education credentials prior to approving this. She's already here, and out in the field."

Ben Torres simply nodded, "I'll be calling this gentleman up personally and see what's up with this." He shrugged, "For all we know, he could be a stalker."

"I suppose stranger things have happened," Ginny agreed and left Grissom's contact information.

Ben Torres was quite adept at evaluating those in the scientific community. He honed methods to learn about potential researchers often without the benefit of an interview, and all the while using the utmost discretion. He had a keen sense of what kind a person a potential researcher truly is; what lies beneath the publications.

He researched Grissom's reputation and found it to be sterling. His work was above reproach, and was cited frequently in other articles, a clear indication of quality in the original research. Ben had the distinct impression that if Grissom had a dark side to him, he wouldn't be able to stay in his job as long as he had, nor could he put out the consistent body of work he was credited with. He was feeling better about the situation, but couldn't shake the glaring paradox; this was not an appropriate place for this researcher, not by a long-shot.

Still, even if he was signing up for the project to follow a woman, it seemed like an act of desperation considering the position and his credentials. And, that was a bit of a red flag.

"Grissom," mumbling into the phone, as it was mid-morning and Grissom had been fast asleep.

"Dr. Grissom, you don't know me, my name is Ben Torres, and I'm the research coordinator here at La Selva."

"Great, so you got my application then."

Torres was alarmed hearing the sleepiness in his voice, "Ah, I'm sorry but I have to ask, did I wake you up.... or something?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I work nights, so I sleep after my shift into the early afternoon." Rubbing his eyes, "So, the application, is everything in order with it?"

"Yes, of course, but I'm so sorry, should I call back?"

"No, no, please, I'm anxious to get this done, go ahead."

"Well, Ok, um, I must admit, I'm a bit curious given your credentials, why you sought this type of position."

"For personal reasons really."

"Well I thought as much," he laughed, "I mean this is not the way to advance your career."

"True."

After a pause, "So, may I ask about those reasons?"

"Well, I suppose," Grissom rubbed his temple, closing his eyes, nervously contemplating what this call was really about.

"There is someone there working on that project with whom I'd like to work."

Despite having a good idea who the someone was, Torres played along, "Then you wouldn't mind telling me who that someone is, and I can verify that you have a legitimate relationship."

"Oh, my God," Grissom was now fully awake and in panic mode, the word 'legitimate' screamed volumes. He could finally see how this scenario must look to a stranger, "Um, I see where you're going with this now," laughing nervously, "And, this is probably going to make it sound even worse, but I wanted my arrival to be a surprise." He cringed.

"Uh, huh," came the reply, quite unconvinced.

Grissom had opened up first to Heather, then to Sara, but he was loath to bare all to a complete stranger, "I must admit, I certainly didn't expect this sort of phone call, but let me see if I can enlighten you of how I came to put in my application."

"I'm listening."

He thought a few seconds, inhaled deeply, then started in, "I've had a relationship with a fellow employee in the crime lab for several years; unfortunately, she burned out on not only the job, but the city of Las Vegas as well. While we have tried to maintain a long distance relationship, the time has come for someone to give in. I have finally accepted that she cannot return here, and I have agreed to give up my career here, but I couldn't leave right away. Our plan was to eventually do field research together, but it's going to take a long time to get there. Sara was so anxious to get started, she decided to go forward and sign up for the project at your station. She left me all the information, but doesn't expect me to be able to leave my job for quite a while. In the meantime, I couldn't stand being apart from her any longer, so I resigned a few days ago and immediately applied to her project. And, that's how this all came about."

Grissom dropped Sara's name, confirming their suspicions. "If you all planned as much, why the secrecy?"

"Because, she doesn't expect me there yet. For all she knows, I'm not resigning for another six months. She's waited quite a while to hear me say I've resigned; it's news I want to deliver in person. Surely you can understand that."

"I suppose it all makes sense, and I guess she wouldn't give you her contact information if she was running away from you."

Grissom heaved a huge sigh of relief, "I'm so glad you see it that way."

"How about I make a deal with you?"

"Now _I'm_ listening."

"I always have undergraduate projects for which I need a mentor to supervise; if I find a project for an entomologist, would you consider taking it?"

"But, the whole point is I want to be with Sara, the actual work I"d be doing is far less important to me. I'll find, count, photo-document, or even dissect the little frogs if I need to in order to experience the rainforest together with her. What ever you need me to do."

Torres couldn't help but laugh, "What women do to us, huh?" He was getting to like Gil Grissom an awful lot, and really wanted to work out something better for him. "Well, I'm quite sure I can find a more appropriate project for you here. if she chooses you and your bugs over the frogs, you'll be in business. That way you will have both an appropriate assignment for your credentials and your girl on the same project."

"So she could transfer to an entomology project?"

"I think I could make that happen," he replied somewhat tongue in cheek. "Now, let me check on what's available. What's the best time to call you, or is email best?"

Prior to ending the call, Grissom pleaded with the research director, once more, imploring him to keep news of his arrival from Sara, and he received confirmation that in fact, he was comfortable enough with Grissom's explanation of things to do just that.

Grissom finished up the call, shaking his head. Just applying for a meager research position had opened up quite a can of worms, or bugs, or frogs, or ...whatever.

His head was spinning after the call, and he knew sleep would be impossible. Starting the coffee maker, he prepared to head to the lab, ever anxious to finalize the disposition of all his open cases.

As he was driving in, he chuckled at the thought of Sara having to give up her frogs for his bugs. _If there was ever a test of Sara's love for me, this is surely it!_

_tbc...._

_**a/n: I'm sure everyone has seen pictures of those brightly colored tree frogs, they are so cute! That's what I had in mind, they seem a lot more appealing than giant insects of the rainforest. lol!**_

**a/n 2: I am _so_ trying to get this going in the direction of Costa Rica, thanks for being patient....**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve: The Time has Come**

Grissom's last days at the lab were a flurry of activity. Reassigning cases, wrapping up loose ends, organizing and packing, all the while being thrown into very personal conversations as those whose lives he profoundly affected sought him out to let him know just that.

It was an emotional time, but also a positive time. He had underestimated the effect he had on those around him, but he used that as an opportunity to let each of them know how much they meant to him as well. Something he was woefully unable to do under normal circumstances.

Just as the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel started to emerge; Grissom realized it was not the end of the tunnel, but actually an oncoming train.

His last case would end up being one of the most trying of his career.

Once it became clear that there was a DJK copycat or unknown accomplice actively racking up victims; he was asked to stay on, and his conscious would not let him walk away. Not with a young woman's life on the line.

In the meantime, as promised, Ben Torres was finding eager undergraduates with well thought out projects that only lacked an on-site mentor. He was forwarding research proposals along with the resumes of the students. As tantalizing as that material was, it was all tossed into a file unseen; Grissom had absolutely no time to consider those options just yet. It was a round the clock mission he was on until the captured woman was freed from the unspeakable torture and certain death she was faced with.

Torres' calls and emails following up on the proposals went unanswered, and he was beginning to wonder about Grissom's sincerity. He couldn't possibly know what was keeping him from responding after the eagerness he conveyed in their earlier conversation.

Grissom found his focus and concentration for this last effort. His trademark single mindedness of purpose was present for this one.

The case brought out of everyone on Grissom's team, in both the lab and the field, their finest work and their most supreme efforts. It typified the ethic he instilled in everyone he worked with; it's all teamwork. By example, he never took credit for any success, but always attributed it to his team. A gesture not lost on them, but emulated at every opportunity.

As Nick remarked to Catherine, when she commented on his obvious fatigue, "I'll push through it. It's Grissom's last big game; I want to win it for him," followed by his signature grin.

Ultimately, the case wrapped up as successfully as it possibly could. The victim was now a young widow who would have to heal from physical and emotional scars; but she was alive. The bodies of the previous DJK victims were found, allowing those families to gain closure. But, perhaps most significantly for the long run, Grissom recruited a potentially brilliant CSI in Dr. Ray Langston to help fill the hole left by his immanent departure.

Finally, Grissom had a chance to return Ben Torres' calls. When he finally got through, "Hello, Ben, Grissom here."

"Well, well, when I didn't hear back from you; I was worried you may have changed your mind on me, ….or Sara," he added belatedly.

He guffawed, "Oh, God no! I haven't even slept in three days. My last case turned into an unbelievable nightmare. I didn't have time for anything else. I'm sorry I've been out of touch."

"I see," sounding less than convinced. In his mind, it took a minute or so to shoot off an email or a quick phone message, what he didn't understand was that Grissom's attention on a case, something that had been missing for weeks now but was in full force for his closing, prevented him from doing anything else. Time wasn't the factor; focus was.

"I had a woman's life at stake, every second mattered, and we were up against a serial killer who had eluded us in the past. It took everyone's supreme effort."

"Wow," Torres was a bit more sympathetic, "I hope you were successful."

"We were successful in finding the girl before she was the next victim, but she still has a lot to heal from. The killer was taken out by a SWAT team. Go to the Las Vegas Sun website, our local paper, you can read all about it." Grissom was not sure Torres still didn't harbor a bit of suspicion where he was concerned, so he wanted to give him an easy method to validate the seriousness of his work.

"I'll do that, thank you."

"I received the proposals, but unfortunately, I haven't had the time to give them the attention they require. After I get some sleep, I'll be packing and get on the first flight I can. I'll notify your office when I have my final itinerary. Honestly, en route is probably going to be my best chance to give these proposals the consideration they deserve."

"I understand, I confess, I was hoping to get you hooked on one so I could start the ball rolling. It will take weeks to start up a project even as well planned as these proposals are."

Grissom just chuckled, "Well, you know, even if I chose one to go with; I won't commit unless Sara ok's it."

"Surely, you two wouldn't stay on the frog project with your credentials!"

Grissom smiled into the receiver, "You don't know my Sara, she can get very passionate, especially for the disenfranchised victim. That was certainly a factor in her burnout on our job. If these frog populations are on the decline, this could be her new cause. For so long now I have put my career ahead of everything else in my life, including Sara, finally I have learned the time has come to stop doing that. And, you have no idea how intense that woman can get about causes. For all I know, the frogs have become a crusade for her. I can't commit to anything without getting her approval, because I want to be where ever she _wants_ to be, " he cleared his throat, "emphasis on the word _wants."_

It was Torres' turn to chuckle, "I see where you are coming from now. But, just so you know, if you do stay on the frog project, you have published five times more articles than the fella you'll be working under."

"Well, no doubt he's published more frog studies," Grissom chuckled, "Anyway, out there I can get ideas about a project of my own while I'm chasing down these little buggers with Sara."

His original impression of Grissom was all positive, and that impression was confirmed with this later portion of the conversation. "Ok, I'll back off, _for now_, anyway. When you get up here, we'll get you out in the field as soon as possible, _with _Sara. You can let me know when, and if, the time is right to involve you in an entomology study."

Grissom was grinning from ear to ear, "That's great. It's what I need to do. Thank you so much!"

The packing and organizing all done, it was time for Grissom to leave. He didn't find it as hard as he imagined. All along the exit were members of his team, on their own, doing their jobs, oblivious to his final walk through. Only Catherine witnessed his exit, and ok'd it with a wink.

He gave himself two days to organize and pack his townhouse. Grissom had accumulated more than he was aware of, and had to triage a whole lot of 'stuff' to storage, shipping, or take along.

Every now and again, he came across something of Sara's. An item that she had brought over as an act of making a home there, but nevertheless, an item that she overlooked when leaving that home.

When the time came, a taxi came by to collect him and his luggage. He avoided asking a friend, a member of his team; he felt as though he had already left them.

The journey to Costa Rica was smooth, but drawn out. The research station took care of his transportation after he arrived in the country, but he was exhausted when they pulled into La Selva. There were people awaiting his arrival and they moved him into an apartment on the grounds.

He showered and lay down to sleep, but the excitement of knowing he would see Sara the very next day was too much to allow much rest, despite his weariness from traveling.

The next morning came and he was dressed in his jungle attire, khaki's and that one of a kind hat.

He was led to breakfast, and then to Ben Torres' office. With his entrance Ben jumped up from behind his desk, "Dr. Grissom, I presume."

Grissom grinned at the parody, "You are correct. I must thank you for all the assistance your people provided me in my arrival."

"Thank you. I'm glad to hear everything went smoothly with your transportation."

"Indeed it did," pulling out a folder, "and I have some feedback on these proposals."

Torres' eyes lit up, "So you had a chance to look them over?"

Grissom rolled his eyes, "The trip from Vegas was long enough that I could have looked over thousands of these."

Torres was eager to get his comments, as Grissom shifted papers from the folder.

"These two studies are centered around insect behavior, signals between insects and that sort of thing." He laughed, "That is some amazing stuff; I think I might like to explore it someday, but that's not my area of expertise," and he tossed those files aside.

"Now these," he passed on the other files, "This is more my speed. I made comments and recommendations on these proposals. I would be happy to work on any of these."

Ben Torres sat frozen as he perused the files. The suggestions Grissom made were so novel, and downright brilliant. He shook his head, "But, I need to know which one you would work on."

"Where do you need me?"

He laughed, "On all of them; just choose what interests you most."

Grissom's smile widened, and his eyes lit up, "Ok, well, I'll take the study on the beetle, the new species."

"It's done then."

Grissom cocked his head, "As long as Sara will come along."

Nodding his head, "I can only hope."

The staff at the station provisioned Grissom's pack and provided him with a GPS device to lead him straight to the frog study camp. He set out on the trail with anticipation he had not felt since their rendezvous in the Galapagos. There were many sights along the way that he would normally have savored, but he let go by in the interest of efficiency. He wanted to get to his destination as quickly as possible.

The humidity was wearing on him, as unaccustomed as he was to it after living in the desert for so long. That didn't stop him from doggedly pursuing his destination. It took hours, but he eventually entered the clearing of the camp.

The sight before him caused him to catch his breath. Sara's unmistakable form was right in front of him in the familiar action of taking a picture. He cocked his head slightly to savor the vision.

Somehow Sara sensed a presence, and turned suddenly to see him standing behind her, watching her. Not able to process the image of him right away, she took a few moments to convince herself that he was truly there before her. Maybe it was that hat, or maybe it was that slightly crooked smile she loved, or just maybe it was the deepest blue eyes that held an intense gaze on her; whatever it was that told her he was real hit her all at once.

With that realization, Sara was overcome with emotion. Her body shook as happy tears started to form. Her mouth was trying to smile, but the act of crying was threatening to sabotage that. She was frozen; unable to take a step forward until Grissom started towards her. At first a few slow tentative steps, and once he was sure she was happy to see him, the backpack hit the ground and he swooped in to grab her up.

The embrace and the kiss were worthy of a romance novel cover. In the backdrop of the rainforest jungle, the steamy passion they felt for each other was palpable. When Grissom moved his kisses from her lips to her neck he ran into an obstacle. "What's this?" he inquired, referring to the bandana tied around her neck.

"I haven't seen you in weeks, and the first thing you say to me is, 'what's this?'"

"Well, it's cute and all, but it's blocking my favorite spot on your neck to kiss."

"I see," Sara's smile lit up her entire face, "So, you want to talk about my bandana?"

"No," he corrected her, "I want to nibble on your neck."

"Mmmm," she responded, "How 'bout you fill me in first; I'm mildly curious how it is you appeared out of thin air all of a sudden."

Still holding her in a tight embrace, "Well, I'm your new researcher on the frog study."

"You," she said quite incredulously, "A PhD in entomology doing grunt work on a frog study?!"

He shrugged, "I think I'm qualified, so I applied, and they accepted." He delivered another passionate, but impossibly soft kiss, "Truth is, I was going insane knowing you were here without me."

"So they let you take a sabbatical to do this?"

It was Grissom's turn to grin, "Nope." His look became serious as his voiced lowered, "Sara, I did it; I left the lab."

Her jaw dropped, words escaped her as her head gently shook side to side. She was afraid to believe her ears, it was a dream come true.

"It's true Sara. I don't have to go back. We can start putting our lives together from this moment on."

It was Sara's turn to deliver a mind blowing kiss to Grissom, they deepened the kiss until it became clear that they better find a place more private, and soon.

When they came up for air, in her most seductive voice, "So, first do you want to tour the rainforest, the campsite, or see the inside of my tent?"

His eyebrows went up, "I have been away from field work for so long, I'm way behind on the current tent decor; perhaps, we should start there."

With wide grins, arms around each other, Sara led Grissom to her tent. The significance of the moment was profound for both of them; and as such, Grissom wanted the moment to last. This was truly the first time they were together without outside constraints and, more importantly, without the imminent separation that would come as they returned to separate lives.

Once they were inside, they slowly and tenderly began to undress each other. Wordlessly communicating their love and passion for each other, until the heat of the moment and the separation they had endured took over. Neither one of them could contain their desire for long, and once they commenced their lovemaking, the climax was as profound and moving as the moment deserved.

They lay together, savoring the feeling and the shared satisfaction they bestowed on each other. Time continued to pass, but they didn't care. The freedom to lay together and not have to answer to anyone or anything was too simple a pleasure that they had seldom enjoyed.

Finally, Sara tried to shift, but they were literally stuck together with perspiration.

"Oh, dear," Grissom muttered, "I guess I'm a little musty from the hike."

Sara laughed, "I think jungle sex is supposed to get us a little musty, don't you think?"

Returning her smile, "I know I can get used to it."

Placing her head on his chest and draping her arm across him, "Now, Gil, will you please tell me what you are doing on this study?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"I don't get it."

"And they call me dense," he smirked.

Now Sara was looking at him very confused as he replied, "I signed up for this for one reason; to be with you."

Her confused look was replaced with surprise as he continued, "As I said, I was going insane with you here, so I just took the info you gave me and signed up."

"Just like that?"

"Well," he snickered, "Not exactly."

"What then?"

"The people at the research station were a little suspicious with my application and my credentials, so the director called up and grilled me a bit on my motives. That's when I fessed up, and told them about you."

"Oh, my, this is unbelievable!"

Nodding in agreement, "It gets better. I think they might be thinking I was a stalker or something, so they wanted to verify it with you before they would approve it, but I was wanting to surprise you, so that didn't help."

By now Sara was sitting up straight with her hand over her mouth, trying to contain her laughter. "So how did you finally pull it off?"

"You know, I'm not sure," he shrugged, "A lot of begging I suppose. And, I'm sure they checked up on me, I mean, this guy had a list of all my publications somehow. Anyway, there is one more thing."

Sara gave him that sideways glance of hers, "And what would that be?"

"I agreed to _consider _mentoring an undergraduate entomology study. I told them I was available to do that only with your approval."

"My approval?" Sara's confused look was back, "Why me, wouldn't you be the one to do the work?"

"Only if you were on the study as well, and I wasn't sure if it was something you would want to do. For all I know, these frogs are where you want to work. I'm ready to put my career down a few notches in priority, and put you on top."

Sara was moved beyond words as she lay down next to him, pulling herself as close as she could. Trying to choke back her emotions, "You have already done that by coming here. I'll work on any project at this station as long as you are on it."

Grissom inhaled deeply, "So you'd study my ugly insects over these cute little blue tree frogs?"

Laughing through the tears, "Of course, I fell in love with a bug man after all, not a frog man. That means we do the bug study."

Gil's joy was beyond anything he'd ever felt. He had everything in life he had ever dreamed of in that moment, in that tent, in that rainforest. They were starting their lives off in a veritable garden of Eden; in a pursuit of science that had captivated him his entire life. And, best of all, they were together with no outside pressure to intervene, no lab policies, no long distance, and no secrecy.

It took the better part of a decade to get to that place in the rainforest; but, there they were, all in due time.

Fin.

**a/n: Thank you for being patient with the wind up of this story. I was a bit blocked, and so busy with those pesky responsibilities like raising children and going to work. Please, be so kind as to review this final entry. PS if you want a more detailed Costa Rica reunion, check out the last chapter of my story A Happier Place. Thanks so much for reading.....**


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